Is it ever ok to lose your cool?

Hi guys! I thought I’d share a video from Juice Box Jungle for today’s post. It’s quite timely for me, in light of current events.

More parenting videos on JuiceBoxJungle

Yesterday we went grocery shopping. I forgot to give Mr 3 his fish oil. We stopped in town for lunch first, and he ate happily for a little while, then wanted to rest, as he felt sick and exhausted from this flu.

We decided to keep the grocery shopping as short as possible, knowing that he wasn’t up for it. As we began loading up our trolley, Mr 3 spotted an older boy, running through the shop, climbing on the shelves, standing on the long-life milks.

Of course, I soon noticed the ‘that looks like fun’ glint in our son’s eye. He tried to walk off and leave us, and both mum and dad told him in no uncertain terms, ‘you need to stay with your family’. Then the sulks came… We kept walking to do more shopping, but this time he didn’t follow. He bolted himself firmly to the spot and glared. I took his hand and repeated that we needed him to come with us. We had resistance, he got down on the floor, and started whingeing.

My partner and I both agreed it was time for me to take Mr 3 to the car and he and Missy 1 would get the shopping done as fast as possible. Of course, this did not go down well with Mr 3… I ended up carrying a screaming boy out of there. We get to the car, I put him in his seat, and pop on his seat belt. He kept screaming, and I told him I was not happy with his behaviour. He took off his seat belt, and thrashed around, wrapping the darn thing all around his legs in defiance. I untangled the belt, put it away and then he decided that would be a great time to start hitting and kicking his mum.

And yes, I yelled at him. I didn’t hit back, but held his wrists away so he couldn’t strike me again. I put the air conditioner on, stepped outside and shut the car door. I told him, ‘I can’t be with you until you stop hurting me.’ I was stressed, but so glad we’d at least removed him from the situation.

Having watched this video today makes me feel a lot better. There have been times when I’ve been stressed and overreacted and yelled too loudly at my kids. At times like that, I do apologise later for yelling and losing my temper. My son and I worked things out later, and he agreed to make things right again by helping to put the groceries away when we got home. But I did not apologise for yelling at him. I didn’t plan to yell at him, and I certainly plan to be as calm as possible if it happens again in future. However, I do think that my reaction was proportionate to the situation.

If some stranger down the street walked up to me and started hitting me and kicking me, I’d yell, I’d get angry, and I’d defend myself. If my son does this to some kid at school one day, they’re going to yell, and possibly even hit back. I don’t think it’s such a bad thing for my son to learn that if you hit and kick someone, that other person is going to get angry. And considering it wasn’t a full-on, throwing a fit scream, and just a regular yell, I’m not going to lose sleep over it.

Later on when we were talking it out, I asked him about all the times his baby sister has hit him or kicked him. I encouraged him to remember how angry and upset it made him feel. I could see the little light bulb in his head switch on when I explained, ‘well that’s how I felt when you did it to me!’ I asked him, ‘do I hit you? No… Do I kick you? No…’

In the afternoon, Missy 1 gave him a good wallop. I heard Mr 3 off in the distance giving her a stern lecture: ‘I don’t like it when you hit me, now I’m very angry with you! Do I hit you? No…’ I muttered to my partner, ‘no, he just hits mummy!’ and we had a giggle before talking to Missy 1 about being gentle.

How do you feel after you’ve blown your stack? Do you ever feel like it was called for? If you do go overboard, do you apologise? What do you do to avoid losing it in the first place? I’d love to hear how others deal with this.