Does your child have lots of homework? Do they breeze through, or loathe it? And what of our role as parents? Should we sit down at the table as they figure it out, or do we leave them to their own devices?
My opinion on the subject is to let the child work as independantly as possible, but to also keep aware of their progress and give help if and when it’s required. There is a healthy balance, and I have some suggestions on how encourage your child to act as an independant learner whilst offering an appropriate level of parental involvement.
Set a positive tone.
Here’s a rough idea of our after school routine:
- put away school bag and have 15 minutes of ‘flop’ time. Us oldies never liked being bombarded with demands as soon as we walk in the door from our job (in my case, back in the dinosaur ages!). Let’s give our kids the same courtesy and give them a minute to settle in before pulling out their school books.Flop time is a chance for our daughter to sit down, put her feet up, have a quick snack, a big drink of water and go to the toilet before getting stuck into it.
- broach the subject in a positive light. What would you prefer to be told? ‘Come on, we’ve got a lot to get through…’ or, ‘Ok, once this is done, you’ve got the rest of the afternoon to play’? Focus less on the fact that’s it a chore, and more on what the child has to look forward to.
- provide a study area that has enough space for your child to be comfortable and has few distractions. Distractions can vary depending on your child, but may include tv, or other noisy siblings. Mr Four when he was a toddler, used to climb all over my poor daughter and try to grab her pencils and papers! Missy Two was a baby at the time, and was quite noisy as well. I quickly learnt to occupy them at this time of day for Missy Nine’s sake. Sometimes I would get the two younger kids involved in an activity or encourage them to play in a different room, for example. Mr Four’s favourite way to be distracted was to be given his very own book to draw in, so he felt that he was doing just what his big sister was doing.
- Consider the simple things, such as adequate sleep and nutrition. These things also play an important part in a child’s ability to concentrate and learn new things. I find when my daughter has taken her fish oil, she can focus more easily and handle life’s stresses a little more easily.
Eliminate all excuses
I’ve talked before about planning ahead by keeping extra school supplies at home. If your child leaves their pencil case at school to try to weasel their way out of their responsibilities, it will backfire on them!
Ensure your child has been to the toilet, had a drink of water, basically done all the things that are usually used as excuses to procrastinate, beforehand.
Let your child attempt the task themselves.
Question: when you’re trying to concentrate on an important job, how well do you do with someone sitting close by, watching you, interrupting you, breathing down your neck? Not well, huh? It’s no different for kids. Let your child try to solve that maths problem on their own, apply trial and error, cause and effect. Give their brain a workout. Learning to problem-solve, research and be a critical thinker is something that comes from within. No amount of trying to do this for a child will help this process.
Be prepared to help if your child gets stuck.
If your child has attempted to answer a question on their sheet and is honestly stumped, let them know you are there to help. This is another skill that will encourage your child to become an active learner: to know when to reach out for guidance. The child simply may not understand the question being asked, and may need some clarification.
Ask questions that will help your child to find the answer themselves.
When it comes to helping with a problem, giving your child the answer is not helpful, and it robs them of an important learning opportunity. Give suggestions on another way to approach the problem.
‘Could you try doing it this way instead?’
‘Where else do you think you might find more information?’
If your child is still stuck, then it’s a good time to sit down with your child, and see if you can both work it out together. At times like these, a child benefits from seeing how others, particularly adults, go about finding answers.
If your child becomes distraught, give them a short break.
Sometimes, when a child gets an especially tough question and have been trying their little hearts out, they can get frustrated and stressed. Let your child walk away for 15 minutes, stop thinking about it, have a drink of water, and come back afresh.
Encourage your child to ask their teacher for further clarification.
Sometimes, us parents just don’t know the answers. It’s good at times like this for a child to ask their teacher for further guidance. Once, I remember my daughter hadn’t listened in class when her teacher was explaining how to do a specific task. She admitted to me she didn’t understand how to answer the maths question. On further probing, she admitted why. Now, call me a bad mother, but I refused to help her.
I told her to admit to her teacher she was talking, apologise and ask for her to explain it to her again. She did this, then on her next attempt to fill out the question, was able to do it. She also learnt the hard way, that it’s important to listen to her teachers! (She may also have overheard me tell her Dad that if she didn’t ask her teacher, then I’d ring the schooland do it for her. Hehe. But that’s beside the point)
Check your child’s progess at the end of each session.
This keeps your child accountable and honest. It’s also one way we can keep involved without interfering in their learning process. We can see what our child does well, and pick up things that might need more attention.
What if my child makes a mistake?
I like to treat mistakes with as much positivity as possible. I don’t think it’s fair if a child has been slogging their heart out, only to be told, ‘you got that, that and that wrong. Not good enough.’ Now that my daughter is older, I’m so rusty on schooling that I would have no clue if she is giving the correct answer or not! And that is fine. It’s good for the teacher to know. When Missy Nine was younger, if I spotted any mistakes, I’d ask her if she wanted me to tell her which ones she got wrong, or let the teacher find them and help her later.
The perfectionist in her often wanted to know, so I would show them to her and she’d mostly see it too, and it’d be one big ‘ah-ha!’ moment. At times like that, she’d go back and correct them herself. If she was tired or had simply had enough that day, she’d leave it for the teacher. Either way, we use the attitude here that mistakes are natural, and part of the process of learning. She still can get very upset at times when she realises she can’t be perfect all the time, but hey, we’re working on it!
Praise your child’s efforts. Point out the benefits and rewards.
Let your child know how proud you are that they are giving this their best effort. Remind them when they have finished for the afternoon that they are now free to have some good old, after school fun. If they get a positive grade or comment on their report, make it clear that it’s because they’ve made such an excellent commitment.
My child is really struggling with some subjects, isn’t it up to me to fix it?
Fix it by doing it for them? No. That’s not a fix, that’s a mask. Talk to your child’s teacher about your concerns and ask what things you could do with your child to help. It might be as simple as encouraging your child to spend a little extra time on a subject, or getting some extra help via the school or a tutor.
How does your child feel about their homework?
