Emotional development – initiative

What is initiative and why is it so important to nurture it in young children?

–noun
1.
an introductory act or step; leading action: to take the initiative in making friends.
2.
readiness and ability in initiating action; enterprise: to lack initiative.
3.
one’s personal, responsible decision: to act on one’s own initiative. Source: Dictionary.com

Erik Erikson, a well-known theorist in child emotional development believed that between the 4-5 years of age, children reach the psychosocial stage known as ‘purpose’, also described as ‘initiative versus guilt’.

In the photo above, you can see Mr 4 helping to put away the groceries after a shopping trip. He sees Mum and Dad doing this every fortnight, and begs  to be a part of it. We believe that it’s important to allow him to help with this task.

At this age, children become inquisitive about what the adults in their lives are doing and make efforts to imitate them. Erikson believed that when a child makes an attempt to show iniative and is encouraged to do so, they develop a sense of purpose. The child then goes on to set goals in life, and does their best to achieve them.
Erikson also believed that if we punished a child’s actions motivated by initative, this can bring about guilt and inhibition in the child. He believed that too much purpose with no guilt at all can be just as detrimental to a child’s emotional development, leading to ruthless behaviour.

So how can we foster initiative in our young children? If our child sees us doing a given task and wants to participate, try to find ways to make this possible. If our children here do something helpful without being asked, we praise them and let them know that we are proud of them for using their initiative. Of course, when we start out teaching this concept, they have no idea what it means! But over time, with repeated examples in day-to-day life, they get the gist of it, and understand why showing initiative is such a valuable characteristic to have.

The beauty of fostering this trait early in life is that you don’t have to stop nurturing it once they hit five years of age! Missy 9 is still no stranger to the encouragement of a bit of initiative, and it’s beautiful to see the young lady she’s growing into as a result. We have a new puppy here as some of you know, and although she’s having less accidents, Missy 9 is very quick to grab a cloth and the spray cleaner and deal with it, without a second thought. If Missy 2 has hurt herself, Missy 9 will often rush to comfort her without hesitation.

She is a joy to wake up to. Before we wake, she is dressed for school, has made her own school lunch and packed that with her recess. She serves her own breakfast and is usually eating it by the time we rise. And let’s face it; by her age, she shouldn’t need to be reminded of every little task required to get ready for school, and she certainly doesn’t need us to do it all for her. I feel confident that so far, we’ve provided her the best we can to be able to look after herself in the real world, at an appropriate level for her. Of course, our work is not done, and as she gets older she will learn more life skills, and gain more independence and responsibility.

As much as we sometimes feel sad that she’s growing up so fast, it’s also an exciting time. I feel that as she is given the appropriate level of autonomony, over time she is becoming more prepared for the real world out there everyday. And that’s something to rejoice in. Colin Wee is also a big fan of nurturing initiative in his 8 year-old son, and you can read more examples of how he goes about it.

Can you think of examples of times your child has shown initiative in the home? Are there any ways you could further foster this trait in your child?