Putting my foot down

Today has been busy, what with my partner’s appointments, and some repairs made to our place today. The morning was particularly stressful. My darling and I could not work out what time his appointment was today for the psychiatrist. He rang around, and eventually found out it was at 1pm today. I asked when his next mental health team appointment was, and eventually his nurse rang back and told me it was for 1:30pm today. Whoah.

I was a little shocked that the appointments had been made to clash so much, as both take an hour each, and driving time between each needs to be accounted for. His nurse and I deducted that perhaps we need to intervene more with the appointments, instead of leaving it all up to my man. It appears that appointments haven’t been written down for him when they are made (I assumed they were), and when he makes the next appointment that is often on the same day as another, he has no memory or concept that they will clash, and just says, ‘ok!’ and sets these appointments. Again, without having them written down.

The nurse and I agreed that he’s understandably incapable of having to deal with this side of things right, because he is, after all, very sick. He gave me his email address, and we agreed that as soon as appointments were set, I’d email them to him, so he could refer to it when setting new appointments. I made a point of letting my partner know that this would be happening, so it wasn’t a nasty shock to find out I’d be emailing his nurse, of course! (I won’t even start on the fact that it wasn’t even a psych appointment in the end, it was a relaxation session)

I was quite cranky at myself after this phone call. How could I have overlooked this? Why hadn’t I been more involved? Eventually, commonsense prevailed and I told myself that this is a condition that has been creeping up on us over time, especially in its severity.

Although I forgave myself, I made a vow that I would start stepping up a lot more as his carer. I’m still, after all, just learning what the whole concept means for us. What he needs me to do. Prior to this, I was giving him all his medication (he doesn’t trust himself to do it properly, although he can) and trying to encourage him to do certain tasks throughout the day. But it’s taken me this long to realise that there’s so much more I can and should be doing.

He needs to learn a lot of relaxation techniques to help him to learn to deal with his anxiety. And yet, here I am, with a hypnosis CD I’ve been wanting to get into the habit of listening to, but never was able to find the time. My fiance never wanted to hear it whilst he was trying to fall asleep (prior to me having any knowledge of his OCD). Time to put my foot down. We are going to listen to that CD every night as we fall asleep, from now on. He’ll get some much-needed relaxation work, and I’ll get to listen to it and relax too.

And here I am, a qualified massage therapist! It hasn’t occurred to me to put my skills to good use, and give him regular massages to help him to relax. God, I tell you, us mothers! We forget what we’ve got, and how useful we are! I’ve realised, it’s time for me to sit down and work out everything my partner needs. I’m going to write up a list of my skills and resources and how I can put them to good use. Sometimes I feel like I’m sky rocketing through everyday, with no time to think about what I could do to make things better. Then it takes a day like today to jolt me into the reality that there is so much more potential for us, right under our noses.

Now, I know that a lot, if not most of my readers here are not carers. No worries. But, is there anything you feel like you or your family is missing out on? Things that could be helped by a skill you already have, a book gathering dust somewhere? Can you think of one valuable thing you’ve got going for you that is going to waste? Why not start using it to make your life a little better, or easier?

We all have amazing things to contribute to this life, this world. Don’t waste your talents, your abilities your treasures. Let them do some good.