Preschool aged | Hear Mum Roar

Childhood regression

Written on January 30th, 2011 by Hear Mum Roar in Behaviour, Challenges, Emotional, January 2011, Parenting, Preschool aged, School aged, Social, Toddler

Has your potty-trained child ever started to suddenly struggle with their toileting? Have you ever had a four year old start throwing tantrums all over again, right when you thought you were past all that? Has your preschooler ever suddenly become clingy to you, almost wanting to be ‘babied’ by you? You’re not alone, and it’s perfectly normal.

When a child regresses in their behaviour or in their development, it can really freak us parents out! We just get comfortable after our child becomes more competent at new skills, they become more independent and we look forward to just a little bit of smooth sailing for a little while. Then this happens! We sometimes worry where we’ve gone wrong, did we miss something?

Mr 4 has been regressing in a lot of areas lately at home. He’s gone ‘backwards’ in his potty training, is becoming more clingy towards me, has started having the occasional (but explosive!) tantrum here and there and generally seeks out situations where he can be ‘babied’ by me. He also tries to create situations to get more attention from me after he’s gone to bed than usual.

Usually when our children start acting out of character in different ways all at once, it’s enough to trigger most parents into realising that something’s awry. We have an instinct for a reason, and when our child shows regressive behaviour, it’s time to listen to that instinct.

What can cause regression in a child?

This list is not exhaustive, but there are many situations that can cause a child to regress:

- Death of a family member, friend or pet

- Divorce or separation

- Moving to a new home

- A sick parent/guardian or sibling

- When a parent/guardian starts a new job

- Starting a new childcare centre/preschool/school

- Being bullied at school

- Pregnancy/the birth of a new sibling

- Unrest in the household (for example, parents arguing frequently, domestic violence, etc)

- Sometimes, as a child gains a lot of independence, it can lead to feelings of insecurity of not being the baby anymore.

….and the list goes on.

As a parent, in most cases, you’d be aware of your child’s situation, except for bullying (but we can probe for that!). When you scan this list, I’m sure you’ll have noticed that there is a common thread in most of these causes: change. To begin to understand your child’s regression, looking for major changes in your child’s life is a great place to start.

With Mr 4, we pinpointed his regression as being related to his father’s recent stint in hospital again, along with the knowledge that my partner will be going back to hospital again soon. Another significant aspect of our home life for us to consider was the fact that everyday, my son watches me care for my partner, helping him with his medicine and tasks he finds difficult. Also, because my partner has severe OCD, our sons sees his dad have meltdowns, and me talking him down from it.

Mr 4 has a two year old sister who’s begun potty training, and despite her constant fights for independence, needs more help from me generally than he does. Honestly, is it any wonder he’s reacting this way? Having talked to him about this, he feels that help or care, is equivalent to love. In his eyes, the person getting the most help, is getting the most love. Simply put, he wants a piece of the pie!

During our talk, I let him know that he can have love from me anytime he wants. He doesn’t have to have a ‘need’ for me to do something for him. Anytime he wants to, he can ask me for a kiss, or a cuddle. I can put aside time during the day to play with him, or he can hang out with me while I’m doing other things. When he’s my helper, that’s special time together too.

Most importantly, I made it clear to him that Missy 2 isn’t always going to be so needy. She’s potty training, and soon will be able to go to the toilet by herself, without any help from me. He realises now that she’s doing more and more things for herself everyday, so that makes him feel a little better. I drew his attention to the fact that as I help his dad, I’m working on helping him to be able to more things for himself, too, and that he’s slowly getting better.

I’m finding in the past week or two, he’s still quite fragile about things, but instead of reverting to regressive behaviour, is taking advantage of those other ways we talked about for him and I to spend time together. We spent one afternoon with him making a ‘parcel’ from the postie, over and over again. He simply got a box, filled it with different toys, and delivered it to me with a grin: ‘I’ve got a parcel for you!’ Then I would admire all the wonderful ‘surprises’ he’d given me. He chats with me, does chores with me, watches me do things, and asks me for lots and lots of cuddles!

Does this mean I wasn’t available or providing opportunities for this to happen before this happened? Of course not! It’s just that he hadn’t made the distinction that I was there for him as well, it’s just that he didn’t need the same sort of help that his sister and dad needed. That the love and time I give him usually, counts in just the same way.

The other thing that I’m doing to deal with this, is I’m giving him lots of opportunities to talk about his fears, worries and feelings in general. Basically, I find that when my children have regressed, after I find out the cause, I talk with them about it as well as try to replace this new behaviour with something a little healthier. I’ve not had the need yet for my children to ever have counselling over any big changes in their lives, but if I felt it was needed, I’d provide it in a heartbeat.

I’d love to hear everyone else’s tips on how they deal with their children’s regressive times in life.

Other reading:
Finding the source of your child’s anger

Helping kids to make choices

Emotional development – how to help children talk about feelings

Reflective listening

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Helping Kids to Make Choices

Written on January 21st, 2011 by Hear Mum Roar in Cognitive, Emotional, Experiences, January 2011, Language, Preschool aged, School aged, Social

My two year old daughter and four year old son stress me out all day long. It’s true. They’re both at the age where they are fighting for autonomy and trying to be ‘big’ and helpful. This is fine and dandy, but it can get to the stage where every little thing becomes a power struggle. All developmentally normal behaviour, but terribly draining. What kids this age are really fighting for, is just a chance be heard. To have a say, make a choice.

When was the last time someone demanded you do something, without giving you a choice? Ok, yeah yeah. If you’ve got under fives, it’s everyday, I know! Let’s be more specific. When was the last time an adult demanded something of you? How did you like it? Our kids are no different! And even though Missy 10 is obviously more emotionally mature than her siblings, it’s still important to her, too. As she journeys further through puberty, this need will become more prevalent than ever before.

What if I told you that giving your kids more choices would save you time? Result in happier, more co-operative children? Children more keen to listen to reason? When a child encounters an adult who allows them choices, they are more respectful towards that adult, and receptive to them.

But my three year old can’t handle choices, you say! Everyday, she stares into her wardrobe, pulls all the clothes out and can’t decide what she wants. The idea is to start with choices they can handle, and over time, they’ll be capable of more and more.

The green or the blue?

I don’t give my two children under five a choice out of twenty things. For example, if I’m getting them dressed, I offer two suitable outfits per child, and ask them, ‘which one would you like to wear today?’ This is a simple choice for them to make, it’s not overwhelming, and they can walk away from the experience feeling empowered and important.

Take turns at choosing

It can be challenging when you have two little ones who both want to make a choice about what they’re doing together and disagree. This is just priceless. Two kids throwing a tantrum, because they both just want what they want. Yay. If we’re having tv time, we try to make sure everyone gets a turn to choose. So, Mr 4 will yell out, ‘I want to watch Thomas!’ But the answer will be, ‘no, you chose the dvd last time, now it’s Missy 2′s turn to choose’. Yes, there is some sulking, but because the kids are used to being given turns, they accept it and know their turn will come. It’s important for kids to learn that there are others in the family too, and everyone matters. This teaches them respect for others.

It also makes it easier for them to accept if mum or dad wants to watch their own show. Yes, mums and dads matter too! Some families let their members take turns at who chooses what is for dinner each night. I want to do this, but I’m just not that organised right now! If you can do it though, go for it. It cuts out a lot of complaining about food dislikes. It guarantees that every night, at least someone will like the meal.

Let them choose parts of the daily routine

Kids under five often really get their knickers in a knot when they want to do something themselves. Missy 2 is potty training at the moment. She loves it. However, she was screaming every time she had an accident. Of course, I told her it was ok, but she kept screaming. I couldn’t make out what she was saying. We eventually deciphered that she wanted to be the one to put her undies in the laundry to be washed! This reiterates what I was talking about with tantrums caused by lack of language.

So now, Missy 2, feeling empowered by this new sense of autonomy, insists on always putting her undies in the laundry and walking with me to get a clean pair. As we walk back, she’ll say, ‘come on, Mummy!’ It’s very cute, but she really feels she’s the boss of that moment. I don’t give my kids full reign over all of our routines, but if their days are punctuated by moments like this, it makes their days more joyful. I think it’s nice when everyone in the family gets some say in the daily routine of the household.

All of our kids have created their own bed time rituals too. We still have some shockers of nights. Tonight was a good example of one of those, but I think that had more to do with the fact that all three knew I was planning to write this post! We let the kids choose what they’d like to take to bed, what song they’d like us to sing, etc. They all have different needs.

Missy 2′s are simple. I want to go to bed. She likes picking a flower to take to bed, but at the moment the flower bushes are too bare! But she likes to go to bed, where her pretty flower sheets and butterfly curtains are, that her mum made. She usually picks out a few toys to snuggle with.

Mr 4 needs comforting, as he’s at the age of nightmares, and an overactive imagination. So, as a result, his routine has evolved into a quiet cuddle and a chat about anything that’s worrying him. He’s also been a bit more clingy, because his dad’s been in and out of hospital over the years and will be going back again soon.

Missy 10 likes to read before bed. We mostly let her, unless it’s getting too late. She likes to fill up her water bottle to take to her room, clear her toys off her bed, and she has her bed toys and blankets set up a certain way. She always asks if the puppies can come in to ‘say goodnight’, and if they’re agreeable, we allow it. Sometimes they end up falling asleep snuggling her!

More rope as they get older

As Missy 10 embarks on adolescence, she approaches a time where kids have a biological need to break away from their parents. It’s at this stage, they are subconsciously preparing for adulthood, the big, bad world. As terrifying as this is for us parents, it’s important to not suddenly revoke all choices from them in fear! Can you imagine the rebellion?

I’m finding that our daughter is happy to respect our wishes (rules), if we give her choices within that. So, she can choose the movie we go to see, sometimes, but it has to be something we feel is appropriate. We also try to help her understand the reasoning behind it. Usually, it’s along the lines of, ‘that one’s a bit too adult sweety, but in a couple of years, you’ll love it!’, ‘this one is pretty scary’, or ‘that one’s a bit too rude for kids your age’. We all agree that these are good reasons, so it works out. Because she’s been told she’s getting closer to being able to watch more mature things soon, it’s given her something to look forward to.

It’ll be interesting to see how this all pans out once she’s a teen, huh?

What choices have your kids been making lately?

Other reading:

Emotional development – initiative

How do I stop tantrums?

Sibling rivalry solutions

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – will you let your child see the movie?

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Smart Trike – the Bike Stroller

Written on December 13th, 2010 by Hear Mum Roar in Baby, December 2010, Gross motor, Preschool aged, Reviews, Toddler

Sponsored by The Mother Media

I was fortunate enough to receive the Rolls Royce of bikes. And prams. All in one. I’ve seen these tricycles before with the pram handle at the back, and always coveted them.

The model I’m reviewing is the Smart-Trike 3 in 1. There’s already been fights over it between Missy 2 and Mr 4. Luckily, it can be adapted to suit them both!

Some of you would already be familiar with the original Smart-Trike Deluxe. The Zoo 3 in 1 offers all those award winning features, with a unique design that kids love. (Of course, I love the design because it’s in the Hear Mum Roar colour scheme!)

You can use the Zoo 3 in 1 with babies from the age of 10 months, as a baby stroller. Missy 2 below is sitting in the bike, set up the way it would be used for a baby. It’s still very comfortable even for a two year old with this set-up. Set up for babies, you get a quality, padded, washable seat and padded seat belt. It also has padded arm rests. I’m a bit jealous, because it looks more comfy than our lounge…

The seat has long back support, and there are these little side foot rests for when your child might not feel like pedaling. These fold up and out of the way for older children. I love all the special little extras, too. It has a cup holder on the front of the handle bars. I couldn’t believe Smart-Trike even went to the effort of providing a toy mobile phone and a cute little place to clip it onto the back of the handle bars! And the toy phone actually lights up and makes sounds. I’ve made a short video showing the phone in action:

Too damned cute…

When your child is 15 months and older, you can easily remove the padded seat, seat belt and arm rests if you like. Once your child is 24 months and up, you can take the pram handle off, letting your child ride it around like a regular tricycle:

…But it’s much trendier than your average tricycle!

For mums and dads, the steering handle can be adjusted to suit your height (being a short-arse mum, I can’t tell you how grateful I am). It has telescopic, five-point steering and a built-in clutch.I love how when I’m steering the pram, I’m actually moving the handles on the child’s part of the bike, too. This gives your child an excellent sense of steering early on. I find the zip-up pouch on the handle useful for my spare change and keys.

This bike is extremely sturdy, exceeding all European Safety Standards. It has a sun shade which can be adjusted up and down at varying angles, and makes such a cute clicking noise. I took the Smart Trike for spin, walking to the shops and around the block.

Because it has anti-slip resistance and great road performance, I was able to push my daughter along grass, bumpy rocks and tree roots. I also could easily push the bike up our local shop’s steps with no hassles. There is a little brake at the back of the trike, similar to that of a pram.

What I love about the Smart-Trike is the fact that if I’m out shopping with my daughter, she can still have some gross motor exercise as we go. It keeps her busy, what with riding and talking on her little mobile phone. I love knowing that once she grows out of the stage where I push her in the bike, she can take her gross-motor skills and co-ordination to the next level. Also, Mr 4 can ride it as a bike, too.

Now, as some of you may know, we don’t celebrate Christmas. However, if you do, this is a present that would definitely last a child through to the next Christmas, possibly even the one after that, so you’re getting value for money.

Take a look at the Smart-Trike range in this online catalogue. You’ll be able to see that this bike comes in a range of colours.

So, where can you buy the Smart-Trike? You can find it at Toys ‘R’ Us, Target and Big W. The price ranges from $179-$189.

I have received the above product for free courtesy of Smart-Trike

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Sibling Rivalry Solutions

Written on December 9th, 2010 by Hear Mum Roar in Behaviour, Challenges, December 2010, Emotional, Parenting, Preschool aged, Social

When I fell pregnant with Mr 4, my second son, I knew everything would change. Yes, Missy 10 (then 5) had grown up with her three step siblings visiting now and then. But this was different. She was finally going to have a baby brother. Living with us, being raised alongside her. Sharing the affections of her parents.

I knew that fighting would be inevitable, but I welcomed it. I think kids learn a lot about life from those fights with their siblings. They learn how to problem-solve, compromise and think about what is morally right and wrong. They learn how to express anger, frustration and sadness appropriately. Nicole Avery wrote about the importance of not becoming the referee and letting children work through the problem themselves. I fully agree.

What I’d like to focus on today, is the type of sibling fights that can go on all day long, possibly even day after day. This situation can become stressful for the entire household. The children tire of having the same repetitive argument, and parents get fed up with listening to it. Because it continues all day, it’s no longer constructive for the kids to be left to work it out. I find these types of arguments are often caused by siblings who are spending too much time together.

I had a day like this yesterday. Missy 2 and Mr 4 spent the entire day provoking one another, then hitting or pushing each other. Then, they’d whine to us about what the other child did. Missy 10 wasn’t a part of this dynamic, and usually isn’t, because she’s at school. She gets a break from them, and they, her. (Come back to me during school holidays, and I’ll be singing a different tune)

I looked back on the types of days my youngest two have been having. Wake up in the same room (we’ve had to make them share a room for a little while due to renovation issues), have breakfast together. Play together, lunch together, bath together, dinner together, bedtime routine together. I think if I had that much togetherness with just one person, I’d turn on them, too!

So, my solution for the ‘I’m sick of your face’ blues, is to simply split them both up, giving them something constructive to do. I find when siblings fight constantly like this, that the fight takes over their play as well. They forget to play, because they are so focused on the negativity.

My partner took Missy 2 out to do this:

Jumping her jollies out, kicking her aggression into the ball.

…and I took Mr 4 into the studio to do this:

Finding a new focus, concentrating on scissor and gluing skills. I like him to do this for school readiness preparation, anyway. I asked Mr 4 if he was enjoying the break from his little sister. He looked at me with his eyes widened with this new realisation, breathing a massive sigh of relief, and said, ‘YES!’ I explained to him that we all need a break from people sometimes, and that he and Missy 2 would probably end up playing happily later as a result. They could enjoy each other again, as they usually do.

Mr 4 was chuffed at that suggestion. We didn’t have this talk with Missy 2, as it’s probably a bit too ‘heavy’ for her just yet. But in getting Mr 4 committed to the cause of getting along, he made the effort once they got back together. Missy 2 was then also open to make an effort as a result.

….And play nicely again, they did. When it was bath time today, I tried washing them separately, in keeping with the idea of giving them more breaks like this from one another. Missy 2 looked worried. She wanted to know why her brother wasn’t in the bath with her!

It’s true what they say: absence makes the heart grow fonder. Are your kids getting along today?

Other reading:

Dealing with anger in children

Regressive behavior in children

Helping kids to make choices

Emotional development – how to help children talk about feelings

Emotional development – initiative

Reflective listening

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Child art- ball painting

Written on October 30th, 2010 by Hear Mum Roar in Art, Cognitive, Fine motor, Messy play, October 2010, Preschool aged, School aged, Toddler

If you have a child who loves to paint, but is looking for something a bit different to simply using a paintbrush, they will love this. It’s the weekend here, and Missy 2 was once again begging to paint. Missy 10′s been away at school when the little ones have been painting, so it was nice for her to get the chance to join in.

So, how did we paint with balls? I got a big plastic box, and Blu-tacked some paper to the bottom of the inside.

I sat each ball in a different bowl or container for separate colours. Then, the kids just picked up a slippery ball, dropped it onto their paper, and moved the box to make the balls roll.

Kids have so much fun with this activity and learn a lot without realising it. They get to:

- work their fine motor muscles, trying extra hard to pick up those slippery balls
- experiment with gravity and physics, tipping the box this way and that to make the ball go where they want it to on the page
- challenge their eye-hand co-ordination in a more intense way than usual. It’s one thing to try to watch something, and get your hands to work together with your vision, but imagine trying to do that when the ball has a mind of its own!
- learn about colours mixing together, as one coloured ball rolls over previous stripes painted by other colours.
- apply trial and error to see what happens if they use smaller balls, such as marbles (for the over 3′s, of course we have to be vigilant about choking risks), tennis balls, or even basketballs.
- learn about cause and effect: what happens if we use a four-sided container? What about a round container? The child will observe one is more likely to give stripes and criss-crossing lines, the other will give more rounded, spiral shapes.

One thing I’ve never gotten around to trying though, when doing this activity is painting with a football! If anyone’s child ever gives that go, let me know how it went.

Other reading:

Mesh-dab prints

Rainbow art

Canvas painting for kids

Flowers are red

Art for children who hate mess

String painting

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Emotional development – how to help children talk about feelings

Written on October 28th, 2010 by Hear Mum Roar in Cognitive, Emotional, Language, October 2010, Preschool aged, Social, Toddler

I’ve talked before about the importance of encouraging our children to discuss feelings.

I’ve made some very simple felt pieces to attach to circular faces which have been stuck to the fridge. Our little ones can have fun rearranging the the facial features into different emotions. This is an effective way for children to learn about self expression, reading the body language of others, and having empathy for others.

This is a language rich activity to also help children discuss colours, label facial features, but most of all, to give words to their feelings and become familiar with using them.

It’s handy to have little circles of felt for this purpose, especially for those times when a big felt board is not handy. I think it’d also look great on a child’s bedroom wall.

Best of all? It’s cheap, and very easy to do.

Do your children enjoy felt play?

Other reading:

Dealing with anger in children

How do I stop tantrums?

Emotional development – initiative

Reflective listening

Sibling rivalry solutions

Is it ever ok to lose your cool?

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Child art – string painting

Written on October 28th, 2010 by Hear Mum Roar in Art, Cognitive, Fine motor, Language, Messy play, October 2010, Preschool aged, Toddler

‘Please Mum, I do painting?’ is the plea I hear from Missy 2 on a regular basis lately. She talks about it all day long. She just adores it.

So, my partner and my son went out to run some errands, and Missy 10 was off at school. This left just Missy 2 and I for some Mum and daughter time. Bliss.

I decided to let her engage in some string painting.

This couldn’t have been simpler to set up. I just tied some lengths of string to clothes pegs then let her dip it in the paint, and squiggle it across the paper.

What I love about this activity is that there cannot be any pressure on the child to make the painting ‘look like’ something. Regular readers will know that open ended art/craft/play in general is something I like to get on the soap box about!

Hands up who thinks she’s enjoying herself?

Missy 2, much in the adventurous spirit of any toddler, got all experimental after a little while. This is cool, don’t try to fight it… Even though an activity has been set up in one way, it’s great if it ends up evolving into something else entirely. Our children need to explore the paint, the paper, their hands, textures, concepts, and so on. Just roll with it.

See how she just immerses herself further and further into the experience? What have your children painted lately?

As you can see, I’ve shown where I usually write the child’s name and date (I didn’t put my child’s actual name for privacy reasons). Labelling artwork in this way reinforces name recognition, and writing it on the left side mimicks the pattern in which we typically read and write. I like to add the date for sentimental reasons, but it could easily be left off.

Other reading:

The useful box

Our art gallery

Art for children who hate mess

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Child art – mesh dab prints

Written on October 27th, 2010 by Hear Mum Roar in Art, Cognitive, Fine motor, Messy play, October 2010, Preschool aged, Toddler

No, you’re not seeing things! He, who hates messy play. He, who wouldn’t touch the fingerpaint or spaghetti paint, has busted out of his comfort zone, gotten paint on his hands and enjoyed it!

This wasn’t the plan, but of course I’m not complaining at all.

It all started with a humble sponge and a string bag from a bag of oranges.

I wrapped it tightly around the sponge with some string…

And we had mesh dab printing, ready to go!

Don’t stress, it’s an old plate…

Printing is a marvelous way for children to apply trial and error to their painting. They learn via cause and effect what will happen if they use something patterned such as a mesh-covered sponge to print onto paper.

It’s a nice, ‘safe’ way to get a child who doesn’t like mess on their hands to have a try at using paint. As Mr 4 has shown us, sometimes all it takes is the need to feel comfortable first, then it’s time to dive in. I think it also helped that his little sister was already using the paint for hand prints anyway, so he felt happy to try what she was doing.

How does your child feel about messy play? Do they love it, or does it bother them?

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Rainbow art

Written on October 25th, 2010 by Hear Mum Roar in Art, Cognitive, Fine motor, Good times, Language, Messy play, October 2010, Preschool aged

Today was much like a hot summer day in the middle of spring! We took our spray bottles out the back, hung a sheet over the fence and Missy 2 and Mr 4 sprayed the heck out of it. Last time we played with spray bottles, we did it flat on the ground on paper, but hanging a large sheet of paper or cloth allows the children to be more free with it.

Daisy, as always, was faithfully hanging around the kids, you can see by how muddy Missy 2 was, that Daisy was happy to see her! The poor thing got knocked over in the mud. Not to be deterred, her and Mr 4 got on with the important business of playing.

Mr 4 instigated lots of experimental play with these spray bottles. He believed that if he sprayed lots of colour onto flowers that he could make them grow faster…

He was deeply dissappointed that they didn’t grow before his eyes! So, he turned his attention to our irises (some of which were taller than him) and painted them blue.

…Now that’s what I call art!

Also, you’ve probably noticed by now Hear Mum Roar’s new look. I have the wonderfully talented Violet Le Beaux to thank for designing the new graphic art, so thank you!!

Come play at the Childhood101 We Play link up

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Messy play – spaghetti paint.

Written on October 15th, 2010 by Hear Mum Roar in Cognitive, Fine motor, Good times, Language, Messy play, October 2010, Preschool aged, Saving money, Toddler

Time for some messy play again! This time, I have mixed cooked spaghetti with fingerpaint for some squishy, slimey, squoozy fun.

(If you’d like a printout of the fingerpaint recipe, you can download it along with recipes for cooked and uncooked playdough.)

Spaghetti paint is great because it doesn’t cost much and uses ingredients most people usually have in their pantry. It is an excellent activity for sensory exploration. Children can enjoy the smell, the slimy feeling, talk about if it is warm or cold and how wet it is.

It encourages much social and language interaction between children and adults alike. Children can experiment with the paint by either handling it on its own or smearing it around on a piece of paper.

Don’t worry if the paper gets holes in it, always remember that children care about and need the process, not the product.

You can see in the photo above how a child could find out what the paint looks like if they lift the spaghetti off the paper – beautiful swirls!

Mr 4 isn’t a huge fan of messy play, but he liked watching this activity, which is a big improvement. Missy 2, however was willing to have a try. If only Missy 10 were home to really get up to her armpits in this mess. In fact, I think I’ll have to let her when she gets home from school.

(Note: if you are considering using this in a preschool or a daycare setting, please be sensitive to the fact that food play is offensive to some cultures. When in doubt, check first.)

What messy things have your children been up to lately?

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Category Archives: Preschool aged