Teens | Hear Mum Roar

Category Archives: Teens

How Can Mums Get the Exercise They Need?

Written on May 5th, 2011 by Hear Mum Roar in Challenges, Good times, Gross motor, Health and beauty, May 2011, Parenting, Saving money, School aged, Teens

I’ve been a lover of exercise since my late teens. Not the crappy PE-type exercise we did at school, or team sports. I’m more interested in workouts such as walking, using weights, aerobics and yoga. I’ve tried pilates in the past and enjoyed it, but I haven’t really gotten into it in a big way as yet.

When we lived in Sydney, we had *horrors* no car. We were in a fairly toffee-nosed suburb, and I would be walking to and from school, half an hour each way, twice a day. (Thankfully, I had some wonderful mum friends who’d offered to help me with lifts when I needed it) When my youngest started kindergarten (first year of ‘big’ school in NSW), I sported a pregnant belly. When my son was born, I’d be out pushing the pram, and very soon after, another pregnant belly. Then, I graduated to a double limosine-style pram, and I can tell you honestly, that put me through my paces. Once my fiance got sick and wasn’t working, I would leave the younger two kids with him as I took my eldest child to school, which made it faster, plus reduced the strain on my back, not having to push that heavy thing around so often.

There were only two types of responses I’d get from the other mums: horror (‘I couldn’t survive without a car!!’ Not really what one wants to hear when they’re trying to be stoic) and encouragement. I’m sure you can imagine which group I made a higher number of friends in! Although this regime was a little too extreme for my joints most of the time, I never had to watch my weight. I ate pretty much what I wanted. It was only once I stopped pushing that heavy pram that my metabolism slowed down a little. Once we got a new car a few months before we moved here, man, I got fat fast.

In some ways, I don’t regret taking such a drastic break from exercise for so long. I have a horrible hip injury from giving birth to my eldest daughter, and I find that an hour a day of exercise is perfect to stop it from jamming up. More than that just aggravates it. After so many years of walking two hours per day, five days a week, either pregnant and/or pushing prams, my body honestly needed the rest. I enjoy walking long distances, but the amount I was doing became a bit of a drag.

Since we’ve moved to a remote country town and need to drive to most places, my exercise slipped even more. You guessed it, I kept gaining weight. My hip started getting stuck and sore again. I’m only 5’1, and small-boned, so the slightest weight gain really puts a strain on my joints.

It’s funny; a year ago I wrote this post, about wanting to get into a new exercise routine. I dabbled in walking, but found it not so inspiring. A walk around the block in this town doesn’t take long at all, then once I’ve done that, I don’t know where to walk next! There are no hills, which I’m used to, and everything’s completely flat. I find it hard to raise a sweat at all, walking around the block. Having grown up as a child in a beach town, and now living further inland than I ever have before, has made me homesick for a good ocean walk. I found a walk I enjoyed, walking in the outskirts of town, and I loved it. No oceans of course, but lots of beautiful farms to look at, and dams with ducks swimming in them. Canola fields and sheep.

Being a new habit and a new town, I didn’t get to go walking as often as I would’ve liked. There was also my partner’s anxiety to consider. I couldn’t/can’t just up and leave the house or the kids with him whenever I feel like it. I’m needed here. It’s far too hot in summer for the farm walk, not to mention snaky.

Recently, my partner and I had a group meeting with his and my support workers about his situation. It became rapidly apparent that I had a need for relaxation, and fast! I suggested yoga, and suggestions of classes flew in, thick and fast. Being in a remote area, this would be costly for us in terms of petrol in addition to the cost of the actual class. I was pretty sure the class timetable wouldn’t fit into our schedule and I knew my chances at actually being able to do my yoga was heavily dependent on what sort of day my partner was having.

So, out of a need to bring some relaxation techniques into my life, I’ve stumbled into creating a fully-fledged work out area. We have an office attached to our shop, in which we had stored a tv and coffee table gathering dust until we found a spot for them. We went to Big W and purchased a simple book on yoga with a DVD yoga session attached for roughly $11.

The result evolved into this:

It’s nothing fancy, but hugely practical. I had a floor mat handy, so I used that to define the space (these were moved to the shop), and pad the concrete floor for extra comfort. (As you can see, the tv is quite grotty, but I took this photo soon after setting it up and cleaned up the area soon after)

I had a bunch of exercise dvds and equipment I hadn’t been using. I tried using them in the lounge room, but it was too disruptive with children so close by. Even if I waited until their bedtime, the two younger ones would be too distracted by what I was doing to sleep! So although this area started out solely for yoga, it’s opened up the opportunity to solve my exercise problem also. I can go to this area by myself when I know it suits my partner and do what needs to be done.

Once I started getting back into exercise, I realised how much I’d missed this! The stress release, the adrenaline, the feeling of accomplishment. I’ve had a little break from working out for the past few weeks as I’ve had the flu, but I honestly can’t wait to get back in there.

I know some mums who read this will be thinking, ‘that’s all well and good, but she has a separate shop, not everyone has that!’ and this is true. Trust me, I can relate, having moved from a cramped two-bedroom cottage housing five of us. I also know how it feels to get stuck in a fitness rut, completely willing to exercise, but finding it hard to make it actually happen, due to being a mum.

Here’s some tips I think might be helpful for mums who are truly finding it a challenge to get that much-needed workout time in:

Wear a pedometer during the day and work towards a step-count goal. Incidental exercise is recognised nowadays as being just as effective as time set aside to work out. It’s a good way to ease back into being more active. I did this a few times when we first moved here, and it encouraged me to do a little more, and planted the idea of looking for places to walk. (Admittedly, I was disappointed with the offerings, but just because it didn’t work for me this time, doesn’t mean it wouldn’t for others)

Look at your obstacles to exercise and try to find creative ways to make it happen. If you can see a chunk of time in your day where your kids can be looked after by someone else, make the most of that time. If gyms and classes don’t suit you due to money or clashing timetables, don’t let that be your reason to give up. If you are able to exercise with your kids and are happy to, then that’s great too. I personally prefer to exercise on my own at the moment, because I find the alone time is better for my stress levels.

Think about what you’ve got that could help you. Do you have an exercise bike or dumbells gathering dust? Don’t be put off using them just because you may not have been up until now. Maybe you just need to find a more suitable time/place to use them. Where would be the best place for you to exercise without disruption? What time would that be?

Ask for support. If you have a partner, ask them to help you make this happen. You might need them to look after the kids, or help move your family schedule around a little to ensure you get this time. Although my partner has severe mental illness and needs my help with a lot of things, there are still times in the day when he’s capable of spending time with the kids whilst I disappear to exercise.If you’re a single parent, can you get anyone to help you with the kids? If not, can you make walking to school with the kids your exercise? If your kids are older, you can ask them to respect this time of yours, and to avoid distracting you unless it’s urgent.

Where suitable, get the kids involved. It’s really dangerous to have little kids hanging around your treadmill, but there’s lots of ways kids can be involved. If you have a wii fit, you can play that together for some family fun, or run around together at the park or in your backyard. Sometimes Missy 10 will have a go of my yoga dvd. She loves the relaxation it brings, and I think it’s great that she finds a stress release right before the teen years. It’s also her NAPLAN year again, and usually she gets a little stressed about it. As mentioned, you can also walk together. I’m going to mention bike riding here too, because although I hate bikes with a passion, I know lots of family do this, enjoy it and it works for them.

Talk to other mums and find out what works for them. Often brainstorming and sharing ideas can lead to inspiration, especially if it’s a recommendation for a great gym or walking route. Also, let’s talk to each other here, share our ideas and see if we can add more solutions to this list.

Pin It

6 Comments -

Influential sex-talk without the “blah, blah, blah…”

Written on May 1st, 2011 by Hear Mum Roar in Behaviour, Care, Challenges, Emotional, May 2011, Parenting, Relationships, Social, Teens

This is a guest post from Liz Walker on an important topic for parents of teens, or even tweens.

Despite loud protests of “I’m going to do things better!” how are we fairing? Often the awkward moments with our parents discussing sex (or not discussing it at all) come rushing back to haunt us. The fears of “What does my child already know?”, “What if I tell them too much!” and “How can I keep the lines of communication open?” seem to churn through our mind like a washing machine spinning out of balance. As parents, the last thing we want to ponder is “how did our kids go from ‘cute and innocent’ to ‘got-it-all-together expert’ overnight?”

The difference between when we were kids and now is not too hard to see, however many of us have become desensitised to what has actually happened over the last 40 years. The web has completely rebooted the world. For instance, ‘Amazon’ has changed the way we shop; ‘EBay’ has changed the way we sell; ‘Google’ has changed the way we find information; ‘YouTube’ has changed the way we share experiences; ‘blogging’ has changed the way we share our thoughts and ‘Facebook’ has changed the way we relate to each other. Technology has shifted culture.

Gen X (parents of teens) were introduced to and wowed by technology… Gen Y has experienced and expect exponential advance… Gen Z (our kids) believe technology just ‘is’. Gen Z have never known life without the vast array of superefficient, ever advancing, ‘simple to use’ and ‘couldn’t live without’ technology. A great deal of technology is incredibly beneficial; however there are some pitfalls we need to be aware of when raising healthy teens to make smart choices about sex.

In dealing with the downside of media and technology, ask yourself a couple of questions. What messages has your child picked up about their worth? When they watch music clips, what are they being told about how they dress? When they hear another report on the news about rape, what message are they receiving about the value placed on another human being? When they see advertisements with men and women presented as sex symbols, how can parents effectively tell them about the beautiful gift of sexuality and intimacy?

These are messages no one can escape, so use them as learning points with your kids. Recently my youngest was watching music clips, usually listened to on her radio, but the imagery adds a whole other level of meaning. Bumping and grinding with minimal clothes is a soft porn message I don’t want her to absorb. So I asked her how it made her feel. “Uncomfortable”. This was the perfect opportunity to suggest that if it makes her feel yucky on the inside, it was up to her to switch it off. She needs to develop strategies to recognise unhealthy viewing.

The influence of pornography on Gen Z is far-reaching. If we want to raise sons and daughters who have a healthy respect for themselves, others and sexuality, we need to be discussing sex topics. The biggest concern I hear from parents is they are worried about telling their kids too much too soon. I say, take a deep breath and dive right in. It’s far better to tell them in age appropriate increments and allow them to ask questions, than have their first knowledge of sex come from an episode of the latest sitcom or a flash encounter with an adult-only site.

In a healthy safe environment, kids take in what they are ready for. If it’s too much information, just like an overdose of vitamins, they won’t absorb it. However viewing inappropriate visual images leaves a biochemical imprint on the brain, so they need a safe place to come and discuss if this occurs. It’s important you have firmly established yourself as a reliable authority on sexuality prior to teenage years, when both peers and porn culture have the potential to become the dominating voice.

Parents have more power than what they give themselves credit for. A recent survey indicated that eight out of ten teens say it would be much easier to delay sexual activity and avoid teen pregnancy if they were able to have more open, honest conversations about these topics with their parents. And six in ten teens wish they were able to talk more openly about relationships with their parents. You can preserve the emotional and physical wellbeing of your teen by talking to them about what it takes to recognize, develop, and maintain a healthy relationship.

On the flip side, if the only message teens receive about sex is from peers or media (which places no importance on intimacy or sexual wellbeing) they have the potential to engage in early sexual activity, have more sexual partners, be at greater risk for STIs and engage in other high risk behaviours such as taking drugs and binge drinking.

Use every-day opportunities for learning experiences, such as advertisements on the back of toilet doors. Ask your teen if they know the facts about chlamydia or human papilloma virus (and be sure you know the answers before you ask.) It’s imperative our young people are aware of sexually transmitted infections, contraceptive use and screening. Since the sexual revolution in the sixties, STIs have skyrocketed from 1 in 50 sexually active people contracting an STI to now 1 in 4. It turns out our youth aren’t bullet proof, with around 70% of STI cases in the 15 – 24 year old age bracket. Some of these are viral and remain for life; others are treatable with antibiotics yet can leave a young person infertile if undetected.

Talk about sex when the learning opportunity presents and give them space to ask questions. It doesn’t have to be a full on discussion. Give bite-sized pieces which leave them keen to come back for more. Flipping out over something ‘shocking’ is a sure way to close the door on further conversations, so be mindful of any personal hang-ups which may need to be addressed in order for you to be more effective.

Keep a watchful eye on any boyfriend / girlfriend break-ups and how it makes them feel. It might seem like harmless ‘puppy love’, but emotional baggage can sometimes lead to feelings of depression and worthlessness. It’s important to reassure your teen of how valuable they are as an individual and to offer support, regardless of what they are going through.

In amongst all this, aim to be the loudest voice in your teens life without being the “blah, blah, blah”. Talking about how beautiful sex can be in an intimate relationship gives them an appreciation of its value.

Despite common myths, young people don’t run out and have sex when it’s discussed in a healthy learning environment. If teens know sex holds incredible value in creating a loving and trusting bond within a committed relationship, they are more likely to wait for emotional and cognitive maturity before participating in this important life decision.

Liz Walker is an author, speaker and graduate student in Sexual Health through Sydney University. The work she does with youth include educational presentations on sexuality for both teens and parents; and training community members such as youth support workers, teachers and suitably qualified volunteers to implement GET A GRIP teenz™: a self-awareness & educational program on life, relationships and the body. Liz blogs on teen sexual health and relationships at http://girlzfreedom.wordpress.com/ and information about the GET A GRIP Youth Wellbeing Project can be found at www.getagripteenz.com

You can follow her on twitter here: http://twitter.com/GirlzFreedom

Pin It

1 Comment -