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Sewing Kids’ Clothes..fast!

Written on June 14th, 2011 by Hear Mum Roar in Challenges, Handmade, In the home, Organisation, Projects, Saving money

I’m going to state the bleedin’ obvious here: sewing clothes for your children saves money. If it’s a hobby of yours, it’s enjoyable, a creative outlet and it’s so rewarding. I love how children appreciate clothes made by me, so much more than the bought stuff.

There’s just one little glitch: time. You can be the world’s best dressmaker but if you’re flat out looking after your kids, how the bloody hell are you meant to actually finish projects in time for your child to wear them? They just have such an annoying habit of growing, don’t they?

This is a constant challenge for me, despite having my own dedicated studio especially for these types of projects. I have worked out a few ways I can fast-track some projects to ensure they’ll be whipped up before the kids outgrow them. I’m still not sewing as much as I’d like to be, but it’s a start. I find when you’re a mother and you want to do something, doing what you can just has to be enough a lot of the time. I’m finding winter is an especially helpful time to make your own garments, as that’s where the savings can really kick in. I’ve mentioned my frozen toilet on facebook recently, so I know some of you have a fair idea of how cold it’s getting out this way!

Opt for pull-on styles

If you can cast your mind back to last year, you’ll remember this dress:

This was made for Missy 3 (then 2). It’s a peasant style and is fully elasticised; no buttons, zippers or other fastenings. I also like this dress sewn by Fiona over at Inner Pickle. Very simple, but beautiful and versatile. Other easy pull-on styles include skirts, pants made out of knitted fabrics (although there are some good pull-on versions for woven fabrics too if you look for them), t-shirts and jumpers.

Opt for less detail in the pattern

Below is the pattern of a dress I’m currently working on for Missy 3. It does have buttons, but only two. It also has some applique which counts as detail, I know.. But if you look at the style, it’s a very basic shift dress. No frills, pockets, sleeves, etc. I could make the dress itself quickly if I chose not to do the applique. However, this one is cute enough for me to be willing to add that extra detail. I find it’s much easier for me to spend time on details such as hand embroidery where I can sit with it in front of the telly, than to look for more time with the sewing machine. This will be very warm, and I’ll be able to pick up some cheap but cute stockings and skivvies to go under it.

What if you don’t even have time for that?

Well, cheat! Missy 3 outgrew that dress I made in the first picture too fast. It was very roomy, except in the underarm area. It still had loads of room for a skirt. I didn’t have to cut out a pattern, do seams or hems.. I didn’t have to sew those beautiful tiers again. My plan was to simply chop the top off, make a quick casing and chuck some elastic in. This didn’t take long at all. Not even an afternoon. Missy 10 was in the studio with me. She likes to poke around her grandma’s and great-grandma’s sewing baskets that I inherited, and pore over the treasures inside. And did she find treasure? Reams and reams of white lace! I was in such a hurry to run up that casing and be done, that it didn’t occur to me to use this lace until I saw it.

By quickly adding some to the hem and tiers, this skirt looks relatively different to the original dress. I’ll be stocking up on lots of brick-a-brack like this from now on. It’s a super fast way to revive old clothes. I have a pile of dresses (from both Missy 10 and 3) next to my sewing machine. Everytime I get a minute, I’m going to hack the tops off, and elasticise the waists. Too easy, and far less wasteful.

I like to attempt to give as many items in this house at least a second life, whenever I possibly can. Dani has shared before how she’s cropped long pants into shorts for her two kids when they were younger, and it seems mad not to!

More basic: sew a rectangle

In other words, sew a simple skirt from scratch. It can be tiered, or a basic elastic-waisted skirt. Even if you came up with your own design, it’s very hard to stuff up if you can sew in a straight line. If you want to go into slightly more detail but retain the simplicity and speed of a quick skirt, you might like the market skirt. I think this looks adorable! The pattern is free, it takes 2-3 hours, and I’m definitely adding it to the repertoire.

Mend.

A great use of a sewer’s time and skills can be the simple act of mending clothes. Remember that? When people would actually mend their clothing rather than just throw it out and buy something new straight away? A while back, I was reading over at Down To Earth and she was talking about this subject, and I realised at the time that it rarely occurs to us these days. We’re all too busy, too rush, rush, rush! It’s not as pleasurable in the creative sense as actually making clothing, but by god it can save money.

We should all take a leaf from Rhonda’s book and start making our clothes last longer. Again, this can be done during tv time.

Learn other clever ways to upcycle clothes

I find Violet Le Beaux to be a briliant resource for this stuff. A lot of her ideas could easily translate to children’s clothing. She’s forever chopping up her clothes and making them into even better ones.

But I like spending time on long projects!

Me too. There’s no reason we can’t still do that. You can always make lengthier, more detailed projects on kids’ items that won’t be grown out of. Think bed linen (patchwork quilts are truly precious, and many children love to hang onto these right into adulthood), cushions, room decor, and so on. With these projects it doesn’t matter so much if it takes you longer to complete them.

If you have a fast sewing tip, I’d love to hear from you.

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He’s Five!

Written on June 4th, 2011 by Hear Mum Roar in Good times, Parenting, Preschool aged, School aged

Today is a special day for us, as it’s my son’s fifth birthday. I always think five is such a big one, because they’re no longer pre-school aged (not that he goes to preschool anyway!), and it’s so close to school-aged, although he’s not quite there yet.

Today I’m forced to face the reality that next year, my little mate won’t be here every day of the week. He won’t be able to lie on his puppy dogs and stroke their ears whenever he wants, as he loves to do. He’s going to lose his cute little chubby cheeks in no time at all, I just know it. And, get this: he got his first wobbly tooth today!

It’s all over. My baby’s not a baby, and next thing you know, neither will Missy 3 be! I don’t know how empty nesters do it. Look at me, getting all weepy just because he’s five, for chrissakes…

Then I think about how much he loves school when he goes once a week for the school preparation program. When I used to take him last year, he was painfully shy and this year, I can feel just how ready he is. Don’t get me wrong, there’s still a few things he needs to do in preparation at home. But what I mean is, he’s ready for the excitement of this now. He’s ready for more freedom, independence and to learn ‘bigger’ skills. He’s getting ready to be able to separate more from me than he’s ever had to before.

And as much as it pains me every time I realise none of my children are babies (which in itself is an odd realisation, because I find having two so close together made it feel as though I was looking after babies for an eternity. A blissful eternity.), it’s exciting. Because all those years when I was tired, looking after two babies, I would tell myself, one day this chapter in your life will end and life will get that little bit easier – once they’re all off to school.

The thought of them all being at school is bittersweet. So much more freedom than I’ve had in a very long time. So many more possibilities of what I can do during the day. So many more things I’ll get done. But the chubby cheeks will be gone, the funny things they say will quickly fade away. I’ll no longer have my wide-eyed shadows following me around the house. The long days of laughter, and cuddles, and ‘I wuv you mummy’.

The other night, Mr 5 had a bad dream. I slept with him that night to settle him, and relished it. I enjoyed letting him be my baby, as I’m realising my chances to mother him this way are numbered. I used to find it so draining when the two younger ones would both wake up at night at the same time, crying, not wanting me to share my attention with the other. I don’t feel guilty that I found it draining, because, well… it was. I’m just so glad they’re at an age where I can appreciate all three of my children now more than ever. I’m no longer in any sort of a hurry for them to get older. If anything, the danger is that I try to hold them back! Well, not really, but it’s tempting.

Happy 5th birthday, my animal loving, beautiful son. I love you.

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How do You Choose the Best Baby Formula?

Written on May 17th, 2011 by Hear Mum Roar in Baby, Care, Challenges, Food, Health and beauty, May 2011

If you plan on feeding your baby formula milk, making a choice as to which brand to use can be a minefield. Manufacturers are not permitted to advertise their products, and in Australia, health professionals are prohibited from giving advice as to which brands are better than others.

Before I go on, I’m going to add this disclaimer: when I say, ‘if you plan on feeding your baby formula’, I’m referring to any situation that may call for this plan. You might be an adoptive mother or foster carer. You may have tried breast feeding and it didn’t work out. Or you may not want to breastfeed. This post is not about women’s reasons for using baby formula. Everybody knows that breast milk is the best possible way to feed an infant, and this is not an anti-breastfeeding post. I write this piece free of any judgement of any parent or carer who finds them self using baby formula.

In the ten years that I’ve been a parent, a lot has changed. I had my first child then, born a month premature. She was fed a combination of baby formula and my milk for the first two weeks; mostly my milk, though. I won’t go into the reasons why today, but breastfeeding ended up not working out for us, and so after two weeks, we switched her to formula. I was able to talk to health professionals about formula brands, and what the differences were. Some gave opinions on which were better than others or more suited to my daughter’s needs.

In hospital, the brand she was given was Enfalac, but by the time she arrived home, she was fully fed on breast milk. When I put her on formula, I started her on S-26. She had dreadful, painful constipation. Back then, the Tresillian nurse I spoke to on the phone was easily able to tell me that little babies such as my daughter don’t always do so well on S-26 due to it’s high iron and sodium content. She suggested I check the label for these levels, then choose a formula milk that had lower ones. We followed her advice, switched over to Karicare and voila! Crisis over. Happy baby.

Fast forward to six years later when I had our next child, my son. We breastfed for five weeks, then changed to formula after that. Oh my god! What a nightmare it was trying to get any useful information! The brands had changed in that time, and good old Tresillian this time were restricted from being able to advise me on which brands were better than others. I was kindly told this, and she muttered, ‘all I can say is, they’re pretty much all the same’. (Except, in my opinion, when you factor in that all children are individuals and react differently to different brands)

I googled the subject, and got no answers there, either. The only way I could find what I was looking for was to take myself to the store and research the labels myself. With a high-maintenance baby boy, I decided to wait until my partner came home so that he could help with bubs and I could take my time to read in peace.

So, how do you decide which formula to choose these days? If you need advice, who do you turn to?

It’s not great to change a baby’s formula regularly, as it can wreak havoc on their little tummies, so it’s no wonder as mums we feel the pressure to try to get it right as early as possible. I have some suggestions here on points you might like to consider before choosing a brand. Of course, if your child has reflux, lactose intolerance, is premature, or has other medical issues, definitely talk about this with your doctor.

Read the label

Pretty obvious, but read the nutritional information on the back of the tins at the shop, or your friends’ at their home. Do you want your baby to have omega-3′s added, or probiotics? Do you feel comfortable with the nutrients offered, in the amounts given?

Some people choose to boycott Nestle

Many of us are aware of this, and if you aren’t, you can read a brief summary on why here. I mostly boycotted Nestle, but I did go through a stage when formula feeding my son, where I did use it. It’s your choice, but it’s important to know what goes on behind the scenes so you can choose whether you want to vote with your dollar or not.

Think about your budget

Think about how often you get paid; is it weekly, fortnightly? How many tins will you need in that time? How much will this cost? Some brands are more expensive than others. Cost may not be a factor for some, but if it is for you, this could heavily influence the choice you make. The first formula my son started out with was Bellamy Organic formula. It was one of the more expensive ones. At the time, we could factor it into our budgets, and decided to use it. In the second half of his first year, we wanted to tighten our belts a little more, and so we then changed brands to Nestle, which was one of the cheaper options at that time. He was also on solids, so we felt not as bad doing this as we would’ve when we was a newborn.

Try to gauge availability of different brands

When I had my son on Bellamy organic formula, I was very happy with it, but sourcing it each week was often a nightmare. Stocks often ran low in my town, which made it difficult to buy on many occassions. I’d end up having to look for it in other towns, often spending a lot of time and money travelling to do this. This was almost five years ago though, and hopefully things have changed!

Obviously, I had no clue this was a problem when I started my son on this brand, otherwise I wouldn’t have chosen it. If you know other mums who are formula feeding, it’s a good idea to ask if they ever have problems with low stock for their brand, or if they’ve ever heard of it happening to mums who use other brands. It’s especially important if you don’t live in a metropolitan area.

Sometimes it takes trial and error

Despite our best attempts to choose carefully, sometimes certain brands simply don’t agree with our babies. Like the S-26 with my daughter. Or my son, with a particular brand (the name which now escapes me) with high levels of acidophilus. He got a terrible rash with that formula, and I had to switch to something that had no acidophilus instead. Although I said earlier that it’s not good to switch products regularly, sometimes the only way to know what’s best for your child is to experience it first hand.

Have you ever been in a position where you’ve used baby formula? How did you choose which brand to use? Who did you turn to for advice? What would your advice be to other mums in this situation?

Walk or Scream?

Written on May 7th, 2011 by Hear Mum Roar in Challenges, Good times, May 2011, Relationships, Soap box

Although tomorrow is Mothers’ Day, I’ve already got my presents. I’ve been given a delish cake just the other day, and some cupcakes to munch on tonight. Mr 4 has even proudly presented me with a free magazine from the supermarket and coyly told me, ‘this is for you, Mum’. Missy 10 has told me she can’t wait to give me the present she made for Mothers’ Day.

So, I’m all set. Feeling nice and appreciated. I hope for the same for all mothers everywhere tomorrow. If you’ve been reading, you’ll know I recently got to ring my mother on her birthday. I’ll be ringing her again for Mothers’ Day tomorrow.

A little back story for those of you who don’t know: a few months ago, my mum, who is quite young, had two strokes in one day. (Well, technically, one in the evening, then one later that night). She’s now in rehab, and has been learning to swallow food and fluids again. She’s already mastered this, after a lot of hard work. She’s also been working on getting more movement in her right arm/hand, walking and doing more things for herself.

She needs to spend eight hours a day working on her program. It’s highly intensive work, including time in the gym, having electrodes on her to stimulate her arm and doing many other tasks that would be menial to most of us, over and over again. Constant repetition.

She was admitted into rehab sooner than was expected, because her progress was astounding, even at that point. Everything she’s acheived so far, has happened much, much earlier than is the norm, none of the staff expected any of it.

The result of her putting in so much hard work, has meant that she’s also now walking. Not all the time, but a little more everyday. A few days ago, she was asked to walk down the corridor so everyone could see her do it, since they’d all heard she was now walking, but wanted to see (the staff have been wonderful, and excellent cheerleaders). She walked that corridor, and everyone who saw her cheered and clapped loudly. Her and my Dad were proud enough to burst.

When someone has a stroke, one big problem they can face is depression, which can hinder their progress drastically, if morale isn’t kept up. And yes, my mum does have days like this, but thankfully the good days sound as though they’re outweighing the depressing ones. She has the added bonus of having been given a more intensive program than she would normally have, because the staff know she’s so determined to put in the hard work. This has only made my parents happier.

When I talked to Dad on the phone yesterday, he told me there was another lady in the same situation as my mum. Staff put her in the wheelchair to take her to the gym, and she screamed the hospital down, ‘I don’t want to do it, don’t take me, I don’t want to do it!‘ and putting up quite a fight. The staff knew they couldn’t do anything to help her that day, so they put her back in bed.

My mum looked at Dad, and said, ‘that’s not me. I want to walk out of here.’

Although it’s a very simplistic story, and may not take into account what the other lady might’ve been going through, I still can’t help but be inspired by her attitude. It’s all about strength, knowing what you want, and working hard for it. Accepting the bad days, and trying bloody hard to ensure the good days outweigh them. I have been amazed three times in my life, watching all my children learn to walk over time. But how many of us get, as adults, to watch our own mother learn to walk all over again? That’s amazing.

My mother didn’t ask for a stroke or two. In fact, what’s eery about her stroke, is that a few hours before she had the first one, she and my father were talking about someone they knew who’d had a stroke and ended up being a vegetable for 20 years. My mum said to my dad, ‘I think that’s the worst thing that could ever happen. If that happens to me, please don’t let me be a vegetable!’ So you can imagine how frightened she was when she had hers.

It’s made me realise that when the tough times hit, as they do for all of us, at one time or another, that we have a choice. None of us ask for the tough times that are thrown our way. We can scream that we don’t want to do the things that could help get us out of our situation and refuse to do them, or we can decide what we want, then slowly and painstakingly walk out of it.

So, are you going to walk next time things don’t go your way, or are you going to scream?

Happy Mothers’ Day.

Peeved.

Written on May 6th, 2011 by Hear Mum Roar in Challenges, In the home, May 2011

There are no words (except for these words to tell you there are no words). I’ll let the pictures tell the story.

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How Can Mums Get the Exercise They Need?

Written on May 5th, 2011 by Hear Mum Roar in Challenges, Good times, Gross motor, Health and beauty, May 2011, Parenting, Saving money, School aged, Teens

I’ve been a lover of exercise since my late teens. Not the crappy PE-type exercise we did at school, or team sports. I’m more interested in workouts such as walking, using weights, aerobics and yoga. I’ve tried pilates in the past and enjoyed it, but I haven’t really gotten into it in a big way as yet.

When we lived in Sydney, we had *horrors* no car. We were in a fairly toffee-nosed suburb, and I would be walking to and from school, half an hour each way, twice a day. (Thankfully, I had some wonderful mum friends who’d offered to help me with lifts when I needed it) When my youngest started kindergarten (first year of ‘big’ school in NSW), I sported a pregnant belly. When my son was born, I’d be out pushing the pram, and very soon after, another pregnant belly. Then, I graduated to a double limosine-style pram, and I can tell you honestly, that put me through my paces. Once my fiance got sick and wasn’t working, I would leave the younger two kids with him as I took my eldest child to school, which made it faster, plus reduced the strain on my back, not having to push that heavy thing around so often.

There were only two types of responses I’d get from the other mums: horror (‘I couldn’t survive without a car!!’ Not really what one wants to hear when they’re trying to be stoic) and encouragement. I’m sure you can imagine which group I made a higher number of friends in! Although this regime was a little too extreme for my joints most of the time, I never had to watch my weight. I ate pretty much what I wanted. It was only once I stopped pushing that heavy pram that my metabolism slowed down a little. Once we got a new car a few months before we moved here, man, I got fat fast.

In some ways, I don’t regret taking such a drastic break from exercise for so long. I have a horrible hip injury from giving birth to my eldest daughter, and I find that an hour a day of exercise is perfect to stop it from jamming up. More than that just aggravates it. After so many years of walking two hours per day, five days a week, either pregnant and/or pushing prams, my body honestly needed the rest. I enjoy walking long distances, but the amount I was doing became a bit of a drag.

Since we’ve moved to a remote country town and need to drive to most places, my exercise slipped even more. You guessed it, I kept gaining weight. My hip started getting stuck and sore again. I’m only 5’1, and small-boned, so the slightest weight gain really puts a strain on my joints.

It’s funny; a year ago I wrote this post, about wanting to get into a new exercise routine. I dabbled in walking, but found it not so inspiring. A walk around the block in this town doesn’t take long at all, then once I’ve done that, I don’t know where to walk next! There are no hills, which I’m used to, and everything’s completely flat. I find it hard to raise a sweat at all, walking around the block. Having grown up as a child in a beach town, and now living further inland than I ever have before, has made me homesick for a good ocean walk. I found a walk I enjoyed, walking in the outskirts of town, and I loved it. No oceans of course, but lots of beautiful farms to look at, and dams with ducks swimming in them. Canola fields and sheep.

Being a new habit and a new town, I didn’t get to go walking as often as I would’ve liked. There was also my partner’s anxiety to consider. I couldn’t/can’t just up and leave the house or the kids with him whenever I feel like it. I’m needed here. It’s far too hot in summer for the farm walk, not to mention snaky.

Recently, my partner and I had a group meeting with his and my support workers about his situation. It became rapidly apparent that I had a need for relaxation, and fast! I suggested yoga, and suggestions of classes flew in, thick and fast. Being in a remote area, this would be costly for us in terms of petrol in addition to the cost of the actual class. I was pretty sure the class timetable wouldn’t fit into our schedule and I knew my chances at actually being able to do my yoga was heavily dependent on what sort of day my partner was having.

So, out of a need to bring some relaxation techniques into my life, I’ve stumbled into creating a fully-fledged work out area. We have an office attached to our shop, in which we had stored a tv and coffee table gathering dust until we found a spot for them. We went to Big W and purchased a simple book on yoga with a DVD yoga session attached for roughly $11.

The result evolved into this:

It’s nothing fancy, but hugely practical. I had a floor mat handy, so I used that to define the space (these were moved to the shop), and pad the concrete floor for extra comfort. (As you can see, the tv is quite grotty, but I took this photo soon after setting it up and cleaned up the area soon after)

I had a bunch of exercise dvds and equipment I hadn’t been using. I tried using them in the lounge room, but it was too disruptive with children so close by. Even if I waited until their bedtime, the two younger ones would be too distracted by what I was doing to sleep! So although this area started out solely for yoga, it’s opened up the opportunity to solve my exercise problem also. I can go to this area by myself when I know it suits my partner and do what needs to be done.

Once I started getting back into exercise, I realised how much I’d missed this! The stress release, the adrenaline, the feeling of accomplishment. I’ve had a little break from working out for the past few weeks as I’ve had the flu, but I honestly can’t wait to get back in there.

I know some mums who read this will be thinking, ‘that’s all well and good, but she has a separate shop, not everyone has that!’ and this is true. Trust me, I can relate, having moved from a cramped two-bedroom cottage housing five of us. I also know how it feels to get stuck in a fitness rut, completely willing to exercise, but finding it hard to make it actually happen, due to being a mum.

Here’s some tips I think might be helpful for mums who are truly finding it a challenge to get that much-needed workout time in:

Wear a pedometer during the day and work towards a step-count goal. Incidental exercise is recognised nowadays as being just as effective as time set aside to work out. It’s a good way to ease back into being more active. I did this a few times when we first moved here, and it encouraged me to do a little more, and planted the idea of looking for places to walk. (Admittedly, I was disappointed with the offerings, but just because it didn’t work for me this time, doesn’t mean it wouldn’t for others)

Look at your obstacles to exercise and try to find creative ways to make it happen. If you can see a chunk of time in your day where your kids can be looked after by someone else, make the most of that time. If gyms and classes don’t suit you due to money or clashing timetables, don’t let that be your reason to give up. If you are able to exercise with your kids and are happy to, then that’s great too. I personally prefer to exercise on my own at the moment, because I find the alone time is better for my stress levels.

Think about what you’ve got that could help you. Do you have an exercise bike or dumbells gathering dust? Don’t be put off using them just because you may not have been up until now. Maybe you just need to find a more suitable time/place to use them. Where would be the best place for you to exercise without disruption? What time would that be?

Ask for support. If you have a partner, ask them to help you make this happen. You might need them to look after the kids, or help move your family schedule around a little to ensure you get this time. Although my partner has severe mental illness and needs my help with a lot of things, there are still times in the day when he’s capable of spending time with the kids whilst I disappear to exercise.If you’re a single parent, can you get anyone to help you with the kids? If not, can you make walking to school with the kids your exercise? If your kids are older, you can ask them to respect this time of yours, and to avoid distracting you unless it’s urgent.

Where suitable, get the kids involved. It’s really dangerous to have little kids hanging around your treadmill, but there’s lots of ways kids can be involved. If you have a wii fit, you can play that together for some family fun, or run around together at the park or in your backyard. Sometimes Missy 10 will have a go of my yoga dvd. She loves the relaxation it brings, and I think it’s great that she finds a stress release right before the teen years. It’s also her NAPLAN year again, and usually she gets a little stressed about it. As mentioned, you can also walk together. I’m going to mention bike riding here too, because although I hate bikes with a passion, I know lots of family do this, enjoy it and it works for them.

Talk to other mums and find out what works for them. Often brainstorming and sharing ideas can lead to inspiration, especially if it’s a recommendation for a great gym or walking route. Also, let’s talk to each other here, share our ideas and see if we can add more solutions to this list.

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Influential sex-talk without the “blah, blah, blah…”

Written on May 1st, 2011 by Hear Mum Roar in Behaviour, Care, Challenges, Emotional, May 2011, Parenting, Relationships, Social, Teens

This is a guest post from Liz Walker on an important topic for parents of teens, or even tweens.

Despite loud protests of “I’m going to do things better!” how are we fairing? Often the awkward moments with our parents discussing sex (or not discussing it at all) come rushing back to haunt us. The fears of “What does my child already know?”, “What if I tell them too much!” and “How can I keep the lines of communication open?” seem to churn through our mind like a washing machine spinning out of balance. As parents, the last thing we want to ponder is “how did our kids go from ‘cute and innocent’ to ‘got-it-all-together expert’ overnight?”

The difference between when we were kids and now is not too hard to see, however many of us have become desensitised to what has actually happened over the last 40 years. The web has completely rebooted the world. For instance, ‘Amazon’ has changed the way we shop; ‘EBay’ has changed the way we sell; ‘Google’ has changed the way we find information; ‘YouTube’ has changed the way we share experiences; ‘blogging’ has changed the way we share our thoughts and ‘Facebook’ has changed the way we relate to each other. Technology has shifted culture.

Gen X (parents of teens) were introduced to and wowed by technology… Gen Y has experienced and expect exponential advance… Gen Z (our kids) believe technology just ‘is’. Gen Z have never known life without the vast array of superefficient, ever advancing, ‘simple to use’ and ‘couldn’t live without’ technology. A great deal of technology is incredibly beneficial; however there are some pitfalls we need to be aware of when raising healthy teens to make smart choices about sex.

In dealing with the downside of media and technology, ask yourself a couple of questions. What messages has your child picked up about their worth? When they watch music clips, what are they being told about how they dress? When they hear another report on the news about rape, what message are they receiving about the value placed on another human being? When they see advertisements with men and women presented as sex symbols, how can parents effectively tell them about the beautiful gift of sexuality and intimacy?

These are messages no one can escape, so use them as learning points with your kids. Recently my youngest was watching music clips, usually listened to on her radio, but the imagery adds a whole other level of meaning. Bumping and grinding with minimal clothes is a soft porn message I don’t want her to absorb. So I asked her how it made her feel. “Uncomfortable”. This was the perfect opportunity to suggest that if it makes her feel yucky on the inside, it was up to her to switch it off. She needs to develop strategies to recognise unhealthy viewing.

The influence of pornography on Gen Z is far-reaching. If we want to raise sons and daughters who have a healthy respect for themselves, others and sexuality, we need to be discussing sex topics. The biggest concern I hear from parents is they are worried about telling their kids too much too soon. I say, take a deep breath and dive right in. It’s far better to tell them in age appropriate increments and allow them to ask questions, than have their first knowledge of sex come from an episode of the latest sitcom or a flash encounter with an adult-only site.

In a healthy safe environment, kids take in what they are ready for. If it’s too much information, just like an overdose of vitamins, they won’t absorb it. However viewing inappropriate visual images leaves a biochemical imprint on the brain, so they need a safe place to come and discuss if this occurs. It’s important you have firmly established yourself as a reliable authority on sexuality prior to teenage years, when both peers and porn culture have the potential to become the dominating voice.

Parents have more power than what they give themselves credit for. A recent survey indicated that eight out of ten teens say it would be much easier to delay sexual activity and avoid teen pregnancy if they were able to have more open, honest conversations about these topics with their parents. And six in ten teens wish they were able to talk more openly about relationships with their parents. You can preserve the emotional and physical wellbeing of your teen by talking to them about what it takes to recognize, develop, and maintain a healthy relationship.

On the flip side, if the only message teens receive about sex is from peers or media (which places no importance on intimacy or sexual wellbeing) they have the potential to engage in early sexual activity, have more sexual partners, be at greater risk for STIs and engage in other high risk behaviours such as taking drugs and binge drinking.

Use every-day opportunities for learning experiences, such as advertisements on the back of toilet doors. Ask your teen if they know the facts about chlamydia or human papilloma virus (and be sure you know the answers before you ask.) It’s imperative our young people are aware of sexually transmitted infections, contraceptive use and screening. Since the sexual revolution in the sixties, STIs have skyrocketed from 1 in 50 sexually active people contracting an STI to now 1 in 4. It turns out our youth aren’t bullet proof, with around 70% of STI cases in the 15 – 24 year old age bracket. Some of these are viral and remain for life; others are treatable with antibiotics yet can leave a young person infertile if undetected.

Talk about sex when the learning opportunity presents and give them space to ask questions. It doesn’t have to be a full on discussion. Give bite-sized pieces which leave them keen to come back for more. Flipping out over something ‘shocking’ is a sure way to close the door on further conversations, so be mindful of any personal hang-ups which may need to be addressed in order for you to be more effective.

Keep a watchful eye on any boyfriend / girlfriend break-ups and how it makes them feel. It might seem like harmless ‘puppy love’, but emotional baggage can sometimes lead to feelings of depression and worthlessness. It’s important to reassure your teen of how valuable they are as an individual and to offer support, regardless of what they are going through.

In amongst all this, aim to be the loudest voice in your teens life without being the “blah, blah, blah”. Talking about how beautiful sex can be in an intimate relationship gives them an appreciation of its value.

Despite common myths, young people don’t run out and have sex when it’s discussed in a healthy learning environment. If teens know sex holds incredible value in creating a loving and trusting bond within a committed relationship, they are more likely to wait for emotional and cognitive maturity before participating in this important life decision.

Liz Walker is an author, speaker and graduate student in Sexual Health through Sydney University. The work she does with youth include educational presentations on sexuality for both teens and parents; and training community members such as youth support workers, teachers and suitably qualified volunteers to implement GET A GRIP teenz™: a self-awareness & educational program on life, relationships and the body. Liz blogs on teen sexual health and relationships at http://girlzfreedom.wordpress.com/ and information about the GET A GRIP Youth Wellbeing Project can be found at www.getagripteenz.com

You can follow her on twitter here: http://twitter.com/GirlzFreedom

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Happy Birthday to Missy now 3

Written on April 26th, 2011 by Hear Mum Roar in April 2011, Good times, Handmade, Preschool aged, Projects

Can you believe it?? It feels like we only just celebrated her 2nd birthday, and yet here is our youngest daughter, growing up on us and turning three. I tell you, you can’t afford to blink with this parenting gig, can you?

I feel so guilty. I know she would’ve loved her very own birthday party, just like Missy 10 had last year. We were genuinely going to have one, then, argh! Life happened. I hadn’t gotten around to taking her to playgroup yet, so although we know some other little kids around her age, there wouldn’t be too many kids to invite, as we still settle into this town. Also, time really has gotten away on us. I’ve been weighing up my options with regard to visiting my mother, who as some of you would know, has recently had a stroke. She’s now in rehab, and doing much better than was originally expected. I’ve not been able to visit her yet, but want to as soon as I can.

Then, there’s the issue of my partner’s treatment. Would you believe he will be getting admitted to hospital after all, even after my recent announcement that he wouldn’t be? We’ve been making plans for that time, stepping up his appointments, getting extra workers, and so on. It’s basically been consuming all the time we’ve got, lately.

So yeah, not only do I feel guilt about so many things these days (and obviously, wanting to fix my blog back to its former glory or better), but I’m trying so hard to fight the feelings of guilt about giving Missy 3 a great birthday. I’ve been floundering under the pressure of everything going on lately, to the point where the time immediately after my mother’s stroke is just this blur that I don’t remember very well. I do know, though, that I wasn’t much help to anyone. I wasn’t writing down my partner’s appointments, or helping to ensure he was getting to them. It really felt that my brain had packed up and gone elsewhere. It still feels a little like that, but less so.

So, no party this year, and we managed to bugger up the cake as well! Because her birthday was on Sunday and all the shops were closed from Friday onward, we ended up giving her her birthday cake days earlier, because we had to buy a cake, due to not yet having an oven at this house. I was worried about confusing her, but she and the other two kids were happy, so that’s all that matters, and no amount of self-flagellation will make a difference.

Missy 3 and my mother actually share a birthday, too. I’m normally not able to talk to my mother on the phone, because the rehab doesn’t allow it, but they made an exception for her birthday. This was the first time I’d spoken to her since her stroke, so it was good to be able to catch up. Of course, it re-ignited the guilt about not having visited her and round and round we go… But hey, it was good for both of us, and made the day even better.

I made these two cute toys for Missy 3:

A knitted gingerbread man and snake. I know how much she adores the story, and she loves handmade things. I had been working on this toy for a while, and was pleasantly surprised to see how big and cuddly it ended up! As for the snake, I discovered a knitted rectangle in my sewing drawer the day before her birthday. It was for a door snake for blocking drafts that I started making a long time before I had our last two children. Knowing how crazy my daughter is for snakes (she likes to get pieces of wool and make believe they’re slithering all through the house), I quickly fashioned it into a cheerful snake toy.

Well. She hated the gingerbread man! (Keep in mind, I’d shown her the pattern months before, and she’d said she liked it) So, we talked about being polite when getting birthday presents, then gave it to Missy 10 who’s besotted with it. Missy 10 agreed that if fickle Missy 3 changed her mind later down the track, that she’d give it back (she knew I was planning to make one for her in future, also). Missy 3 has since teetered from loving the toy to loathing it. I think she’s just getting used to it…

She really loves the snake, which I find hilarious, given its simplicity and how little time it took to make it!

All in all, despite an insane amount of mummy guilt this year, it was a great day. I just keep reminding myself of the important things in all of this: the five of us got to spend time together as a family (we were expecting my partner to go to hospital before this, so we felt very lucky) and no matter what’s going on, how buggered up our plans have been this year, and how scrambled mummy’s brains are these days, is that she knows she’s loved. Everyday Missy 3 tells me, ‘I love you Mummy, I make you happy. You love me, and you make me happy’. In all of this craziness, I just have to hang onto the stuff that matters the most with both hands and know that that’s what will get us all through this. And you know what? Despite everything that (in my mind) went ‘wrong’, we all had a truly lovely day.

Now, please make me feel better by regaling me with your stories of birthday guilt!

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Aussie Mummy Blogger With the X-Factor

Written on March 30th, 2011 by Hear Mum Roar in Good times, March 2011

Well, if this isn’t enough to cheer a girl up! I’m talking about the Aussie Mummy Blogger With the X-Factor awards. I was pleasantly surprised to be included, albeit a little terrified on finding out that caricatures would be made of us. I’m sure if you’ve read all about See Mum Shine, I won’t need to explain why…

But, you know what? The illustrator did an awesome job! I had a giggle at the cartoons of mine and other great mum bloggers. I was bemused to read that I was described as: ‘the brain behind Hear Mum Roar chooses to remain anonymous’, but hey. We’re not going to have a diva moment when there’s an iPad at stake now, are we? Hehe.

I’m looking at this as not only a pleasant form of recognition and great fun (I mean really, this could be the first and only chance to be immortalized on the back of a dinosaur) but also a fantastic motivator to get in and fix this blog much faster. It’s like being at home, slobbing away in front of the telly. The house stinks of pooey nappies and my shirt stinks of baby spew. Next thing, visitors knock on the door.

So this will be the equivalent of me running around like a mad thing, plumping cushions, hiding the dirty laundry and repeating, ‘it’s not normally like this around here!’ Except I don’t actually plump cushions, but I’m sure you know what I mean.

Anyway, if anyone would like to vote for me, the link is here. You can read the interview, and voting is done by clicking the facebook ‘like’ button under the heading, or the ‘retweet’ button right next to it. The blogger with the most retweets and likes wins the iPad.

I’ve got something fun for you guys tomorrow too, so I hope you’ll be here to check it out.

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My Mind is Soup

Written on March 29th, 2011 by Hear Mum Roar in Challenges, March 2011

Argh, you guys, I’ve missed blogging on here so much. As promised, I’m going to tell you what’s been going on with the blog.

Ok. As you can see, there is a new theme in progress here. I was slowly working on that. Then, I posted a giveaway at night, and by morning, my blog was gone. With a lovely little ‘account suspended’ page. Bugger. After that, I got an email from Just Host, stating the bleedin’ obvious: ‘we suspended your account. You have gone over the 10% usage of the server, etc. You need to now go from paying $2.95 per month to $150 per month for a dedicated server. Because we’re so happy with you being such a loyal customer and all, that $150 per month is a ‘special’ price just for you!’ Laughably, there was a link at the bottom asking, ‘how did we do?’

Hmm.. doesn’t feel as special as the $2.95 did. Did I add that my account was pulled with no warning whatsoever? Well, it was. Just Host has pulled this stunt on many, many bloggers. I told them to send me my backup files. Of course, I planned to move to another web host. I received an email from Just Host saying ‘ok, we’ll just optimise your account now’. I asked them, ‘do you understand I’m moving to another host?’ To which they replied basically, with an ‘oops!’ Bloody idiots…

Anyway, to cut a long story short, it took much longer than expected to get Just Host to even release my domain over to the new host. They will not hand over the photos I had hosted with them, so rather than beat my head against a brick wall any longer, I’m just going through the tedious process of manually hunting down photos on my computer and elsewhere, and inserting them one by one into each post. The new theme installation is unrelated to this suspension, but of course, that still needs to be completed too.

So yeah, not thrilled to have so much to do. Screw you Just Host, screw you. Oh, and don’t worry, I’ll fill in your tossy little survey and tell you how you did, don’t worry!

The most mortifying part was that some readers tried to enter the giveaway, and it disappeared. Equally mortifying, was working with so many great PR reps, and sponsors and having to explain this situation over and over again. I had just set up an email account via the Hear Mum Roar domain and redirected it through gmail, so my emails became glitchy and impossible to communicate that way. To all who’ve been inconvenienced, I’m sincerely sorry.

I’m trying to catch up on the pile of emails that have built up, and am just about there. Ditto for comments on this blog. I always like to answer all comments, and have been frustratingly overwhelmed by everything.

In other news, my partner didn’t end up needing to go to hospital after all, which, to be honest, was a gigantic relief. He has a brilliant new worker who’s really stepped up to the plate and started demanding he actually get treated. So, basically, because his other worker did such a lousy job, that’s why my man ended up in such a bad place with his illness. It wasn’t really being treated, which led to total and utter deterioration of his mental well being. He should never have gotten so bad to have needed to be admitted, had the previous worker done his job. So, although I”m probably not making it sound like it, things are going well for him now. It has been a little hard because his medication has seen him asleep (or more accurately, comatose) all day everyday, but we’re assured he’ll be trying something new this week that won’t have that impact.

My son is so much happier now that he gets to keep his dad at home, and that has been marvelous. I’ll still write the rest of the anger series though, promise! For the most part, we’re all doing really well, just fighting off a flu.

Lastly, but definitely not least, is that my mother had a stroke last week in the afternoon, and another one in hospital later that night. It’s been pretty scary. A week on, she has a lot of work ahead of her, but the doctors are very pleased with her progress which has been well beyond their expectations of what she would be capable of. I’m going to try to visit her in a few weeks’ time, once she’s allowed visitors and my partner’s got his meds sorted.

So yes, my mind is soup right now. A variety of thoughts, jobs and demands all slushed together to make something else. Oddly though, I feel as though things are going to start getting better and I look forward to it.

I also have to thank the awesome Violet for offering to help me with finishing the layout, just for the sake of being a good friend. Thank you so much! I haven’t taken her up on it, but am so grateful to know that I have someone willing to help lighten the load.

In the meantime, please be patient, and accept my apology for this post sounding so much like a damn country song! I loathe country music…

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