Although tomorrow is Mothers’ Day, I’ve already got my presents. I’ve been given a delish cake just the other day, and some cupcakes to munch on tonight. Mr 4 has even proudly presented me with a free magazine from the supermarket and coyly told me, ‘this is for you, Mum’. Missy 10 has told me she can’t wait to give me the present she made for Mothers’ Day.
So, I’m all set. Feeling nice and appreciated. I hope for the same for all mothers everywhere tomorrow. If you’ve been reading, you’ll know I recently got to ring my mother on her birthday. I’ll be ringing her again for Mothers’ Day tomorrow.
A little back story for those of you who don’t know: a few months ago, my mum, who is quite young, had two strokes in one day. (Well, technically, one in the evening, then one later that night). She’s now in rehab, and has been learning to swallow food and fluids again. She’s already mastered this, after a lot of hard work. She’s also been working on getting more movement in her right arm/hand, walking and doing more things for herself.
She needs to spend eight hours a day working on her program. It’s highly intensive work, including time in the gym, having electrodes on her to stimulate her arm and doing many other tasks that would be menial to most of us, over and over again. Constant repetition.
She was admitted into rehab sooner than was expected, because her progress was astounding, even at that point. Everything she’s acheived so far, has happened much, much earlier than is the norm, none of the staff expected any of it.
The result of her putting in so much hard work, has meant that she’s also now walking. Not all the time, but a little more everyday. A few days ago, she was asked to walk down the corridor so everyone could see her do it, since they’d all heard she was now walking, but wanted to see (the staff have been wonderful, and excellent cheerleaders). She walked that corridor, and everyone who saw her cheered and clapped loudly. Her and my Dad were proud enough to burst.
When someone has a stroke, one big problem they can face is depression, which can hinder their progress drastically, if morale isn’t kept up. And yes, my mum does have days like this, but thankfully the good days sound as though they’re outweighing the depressing ones. She has the added bonus of having been given a more intensive program than she would normally have, because the staff know she’s so determined to put in the hard work. This has only made my parents happier.
When I talked to Dad on the phone yesterday, he told me there was another lady in the same situation as my mum. Staff put her in the wheelchair to take her to the gym, and she screamed the hospital down, ‘I don’t want to do it, don’t take me, I don’t want to do it!‘ and putting up quite a fight. The staff knew they couldn’t do anything to help her that day, so they put her back in bed.
My mum looked at Dad, and said, ‘that’s not me. I want to walk out of here.’
Although it’s a very simplistic story, and may not take into account what the other lady might’ve been going through, I still can’t help but be inspired by her attitude. It’s all about strength, knowing what you want, and working hard for it. Accepting the bad days, and trying bloody hard to ensure the good days outweigh them. I have been amazed three times in my life, watching all my children learn to walk over time. But how many of us get, as adults, to watch our own mother learn to walk all over again? That’s amazing.
My mother didn’t ask for a stroke or two. In fact, what’s eery about her stroke, is that a few hours before she had the first one, she and my father were talking about someone they knew who’d had a stroke and ended up being a vegetable for 20 years. My mum said to my dad, ‘I think that’s the worst thing that could ever happen. If that happens to me, please don’t let me be a vegetable!’ So you can imagine how frightened she was when she had hers.
It’s made me realise that when the tough times hit, as they do for all of us, at one time or another, that we have a choice. None of us ask for the tough times that are thrown our way. We can scream that we don’t want to do the things that could help get us out of our situation and refuse to do them, or we can decide what we want, then slowly and painstakingly walk out of it.
So, are you going to walk next time things don’t go your way, or are you going to scream?
This is a question I’ve been asked frequently since Missy 10 started wearing prescription glasses full-time at the age of five. I’ve been told by other ‘experts’ on my child (read: busy bodies) that it’s cruel for me to send my child to school with a reason for kids to tease her. It’s cruel, because apparently, according to these ‘experts’, that she won’t feel confident, or attractive. (Of course! I forgot to teach my daughter that her sole purpose in life was to focus on her appearance, because that’s all women are good for, right? I’m guessing that all the science she does and books and learnin’ are a waste of time too?)
Apart from the most important point in all this, which is that other parents’ choices aren’t anyone else’s business, and apart from the fact that the only experts on our child are us, the parents, I have many good reasons why I don’t get her contact lenses.
I’m not prepared to pay for expensive lenses when there are other mouths in this house to be fed, and possibly other children who may (but hopefully not) end up needing glasses also. Not in the name of vanity, I won’t.
My daughter actually needed glasses, not lenses when she started out wearing them, as one eye was severely turned inward. Glasses could help to straighten this problem, and train the eye ahead, whereas lenses could not.
I didn’t feel that my daughter was or is at a stage where she can competently and confidently place the lenses in her eyes. Also, I’ve never used lenses, so I don’t feel confident in my ability to help her. (But I would love to try out some cool coloured ones, one day!) The idea of her getting an infection unnecessarily, concerns me. I’ve heard that there can be other risks with contact lenses, and for growing eyes, I don’t feel it’s worth the risk. Poor hygiene when using contacts can be extremely dangerous, and whilst I like to drum the importance of hygiene into my kids, I’m not ready to hand the responsibility of that with lenses over to my daughter at this age.
My daughter has been teased in the past about her glasses, yes. Probably not as much as she would’ve been back in the years when I went to school, kids were more brutal and teachers turned a blind eye. Do I want my daughter to be teased? Of course not! Is it my fault or her fault for not conforming when she does get teased? Absolutely not. I teach my children not to tease or bully others, and that’s the best I can do. If more parents did this, then perhaps that would cut out the bullying problems in schools better than everyone else having to change who they are to suit someone whose opinion just doesn’t matter. It’s important to me that I teach my children not to change who you are for anyone, especially not rude people. Lead, don’t follow, is our mantra in this family.
No one wants their child to be bullied, and when it happens, I help my daughter through it. But let’s face it; we become who we are based on our life experiences. We become stronger people, more compassionate people, when we aren’t shielded from the life condition. If my daughter weren’t teased about glasses, kids would find something else. Some kids just look for reasons to tease, and I can’t control her entire life and all the experiences she is going to have. But I can support her if something bad happens, I can advocate for her at the school, also. Best of all, I can teach her how to cope with the arseholes of the world. She’s going to need to learn how to do that!
As much as I wish she didn’t need glasses, and I know my daughter does as well, the good thing that has come out of this, is that she has now had an experience which I believe has been very character building and enables her to empathise with others in a similar situation. I know she wouldn’t tease someone about wearing glasses, ever.
But for me, possibly the most important reason that I don’t give my daughter lenses, is because she doesn’t want them. A question that these nosey parker ‘experts’ have failed to ever bother asking. Now, as a parent, there are things my daughter doesn’t want to do that she has to do, like it or not. We’re the parents, and we get the final decision. But not on something purely based on vanity. My daughter would be the one who’d have to put these into her eyes everyday, and to be honest, the idea frightens her and grosses her out. I don’t think it’s wise to force this on her if she feels this way.
After all that’s said and done, I remember my daughter’s last eye appointment (she’s due for another one, which has gotten me thinking about this again). My partner took her, whilst I stayed at home. They were told that her eyesight had drastically improved. Looking back, I now wonder if she actually even needs to be wearing them full time at all! Of course, things were pretty hectic at the time, and the idea hadn’t occurred to me. Her eye has drastically straightened out lately, too. We’re hoping she may not need surgery for this, after all. But I’m going to contradict everything I’ve said above, now. When we go to her next appointment, I’m going to ask if she actually needs to be wearing glasses full time anymore, or just for reading. I wonder if optometrists and opthalmologists think to tell people if they don’t need to be wearing glasses permanently?
I want to ask, because I know it’d be the best gift I could give my child. I know she makes the best out of wearing glasses, and is as positive about it as she can be, but I also know that she doesn’t like having to wear them. A couple of years ago, our family had a little photo shoot, and it occurred to me, she doesn’t need to wear them just to have her photo taken. So, I let her take them off, and she was so excited, it gave her this gigantic lift! I so badly would love to give her that again one day, not for peer pressure, or appearance reasons, but to give her that same sense of freedom all over again.
What about you? Do any of your kids need glasses? Do you let them wear contacts sometimes?
Google alert is a marvelous thing. It lets you thank people who’ve linked to you. It’s 1:45am here, and I’ve just discovered it’s also a fabulous tool to accidentally pick up on plagiarised content.
Regulars here would know that I’ve done a few sponsored posts via Nuffnang for Mattel. The one I’ll focus on for now, is my post about the Flip Phone. Yes, I received payment for writing it. Yes, I received free product in order to test the product. Yes, I loved the toy. Still do.
However, one google alert brought this to my attention: a review by someone named ‘Jessica’. This is the Mattel website in New Zealand. You will note, that about 80% of my writing has been copied and pasted word for word. Stupidly, it has my link added to the bottom of it. For the record, my name is Sharon, not Jessica. Yet, the title of the review clearly states, ‘review by Jessica’.
Sooo, I wrote to Mattel in New Zealand. Considering that they encourage their customers to write reviews there, I assured them I was not upset with them, as they could not possibly always know when their members are stealing content, right?
So anyway, I got curious. I looked at the Aussie Mattel site. Oh look, it’s Jessica again. She really gets around, doesn’t she?
Now, either Mattel has one member going to both sites, trying to rip them off for whatever benefits she can get her hands on, or Mattel is taking my work and using it to create ‘reviews’ under a false name. To be honest, neither idea sits well with me. I do look forward to hearing their explanation for why my work was stolen and used without my permission.
If this was Mattel’s doing, I think it would highlight the need for some clarification to the client when taking on sponsored posts. Not that I think we should have to, but if this is what’s happening, then we would need to. A sponsored post is where a blogger is paid and provided product to write a review at their blog. It does not give the client rights to publish that work elsewhere.
Now, I know some may think I’m just a stupid ‘mummyblogger’, and I’m fine with that. I have no degree in journalism, but I do know that if my writing was wanted on the toylab site, they should have asked me for permission. Better yet, make up a contract, I will sign a release for it. This did not happen. Heck, no one even asked me or told me this was going on!
I suggest if you’ve done any sponsored posts for Mattel, that you go check to make sure your work hasn’t been stolen also.
The outcome of this will determine whether or not I buy their toys in future, which I’ve always loved.
It makes me angry for another reason: the trend in advertising is that honest reviews by product users are what sells, or has the best influence. How are consumers supposed to trust which reviews are real and which are faked? You can’t fudge this stuff. If you do, it will come back to bite you on the bum. So my message to any companies reading this would be: if you intend on going down the product review on the internet path, do it honestly and properly, or you will get burned. If this was an actual customer trying to cheat her way around it; then bloggers and anyone else wanting to enjoy a slice of the review pie needs to learn the same thing.
If we start getting cheats in this area of advertising, and the net, then it’s not going to work out for anyone.
If you’re a true Harry Potter fan, then you’ll know that tonight is an important night in the grand scheme of things: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is on at the movies! Squeeee!!!
All of us here, bar Missy 2 are gigantic Harry Potter fans. We have every single book (although Chamber of Secrets has gone missing; we must replace it immediately) and DVD. My fiance, Missy 10 and I have read all the books a gazillion times (Missy 10′s been reading the books since she was 6, and watching the movies since she was 2. She’s truly grown up on Harry Potter). The movies? We’ve watched those a gazillion times one hundred. We’ve even had Harry Potter movie marathons.
Mr 4 loves his Harry Potter as well, but obviously just watches the DVDs at his age. Which leads me to the great debate that always comes up every time the next movie in the series is released: is it right to take a child to see Harry Potter at the movies?
It’s a debate I’ve been quite vocal about in many forums. There’s always someone claiming, ‘I went to see Harry Potter last night, and I couldn’t believe that an 8 year old was allowed to go see it!’ I often wonder if it’s my child they’re talking about.
We’ve probably been taking Missy 10 to see the latest Harry Potter movie since she was about six, maybe? Much to many peoples’ horror. Yes, we know they’re not rated for her age. Many have shown concern that young children might be scared by these movies.
When the Prisoner of Azkaban was released in theatres, that seemed to bring out the strongest reaction from the punters. Many were concerned that the Dementors would frighten children. My daughter had already read it, and seemed just fine. Plus, she’d seen every other movie in the series by that time without any fear, so we felt confident in our decision. It turns out, she was fine. It was exciting for her to think about how she imagined the story from the book, then see it made into a movie.
The Goblet of Fire movie also drew concern for keeping children from watching it. Why? ‘Because it’s got dragons in it’, I was told by several people. Hmm. Dragons are one of my daughter’s favourite things, right up there with dinosaurs. She’s loved dragons for years now, attracted to the mythology of them. It turned out, during the predicted ‘scariest’ part of the movie featuring the dragons, she laughed loudly in the movie theatre at how fast the dragons were as they chased the Tri Wizard Cup contenders.
Mr 4 has watched all of the series at home, and has never had a problem. Would I take him to the movies to see this new movie? No. Only because at his age, I know he won’t be able to sit still through it. But I would take him to a Disney movie and put up with his fidgeting. As for Missy 2, she has been brought up with Harry Potter in the background from birth, and we’ve never had a problem. She likes certain parts of the movies, but at her age, they don’t hold her attention very well.
When we make a decision about whether or not a movie is suitable for our children, we don’t adhere to the ratings. We take note of them, indeed, but for us they are more of a guideline. We’re more likely to think about the personality of each child, what they are afraid of, what they are interested in and of course, our values.
We generally aren’t keen on movies that are too violent, but we make the exception with Harry Potter, because we feel that it is a classic tale of the fight between good and evil. Not that we feel it’s overly violent anyway, any fights are usually of the magical kind, so it’s not really the same thing.
We also avoid movies that we feel would sexualise our children at too early an age. If we’re still undecided on a movie we haven’t seen, we’ll watch it first to check if we think it’s suitable or not. So far, this has worked for us.
What’s your approach with children and movies? Do you follow the ratings by the book? Do you watch everything first, before you let your child? Do you have some other way you decide? Also, have you seen the latest Harry Potter movie yet? How was it??
I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, and out of my thoughts a challenge has been created.
Did you know that the picture on my about page is two years old? Why do I still use it? It’s not what I look like now.
The answer is simple: it’s the most recent photo of me that I feel is ‘good enough’. I hate getting my photo taken, and I’m forever putting it off. My hair isn’t done, I want to lose weight first, and so on. Meanwhile, life is passing, whether I get my photo taken or not.
Have you ever lost a loved one and felt sad because there weren’t many photos left to remember them by? It’s been nagging at me that I want my children to have something to remember me by. I honestly don’t mean for this to take a morbid tone. I just want to do something about it now, whilst I still can.
As mums, we put our children on a pedestal. We wouldn’t dream of not taking hundreds of photos of them. So, the challenge I’ve created is this: for 365 days, everyday, I will be taking a photo of myself. At first, I thought, ‘really? That’s too many photos! Who’s going to want to see that many photos of me?’ The answer is, my children will.
We have to stop hiding ourselves away! Our lives deserve celebrating, illustrating too. Every mother is amazing, and I’m really hoping that lots of you will take on this challenge as well. For your families. For yourselves. For the world to see us shine as mothers.
And honestly? If I can do this, anyone can, trust me! So who’s with me?
Here’s my first photo from tonight:
If you’d like to join in, click on this cute little sun below for all the details.
Special thanks to Violet Le Beaux for designing this button for the challenge.
Edited to add the link widget on this page too, just to avoid confusion.
I found this story on facebook about a beautiful five month old baby girl, and was first moved to tears, then moved to speak up. Watch the video below about this poor child. Warning: graphic content, may disturb some readers.
As a mother of three precious children, I, as I’m sure all of you cannot imagine how this could happen. How could family do this to their child? How could family watch this situation and not intervene? How could they not take a single photo of such a sweet girl, not once in her entire life? How could they refuse their little girl the love from her community even in death? The angel inside her memorial cage tells us to be quiet, don’t speak about this. Bollocks to that.
We should speak about this loudly. We owe it to this baby to remember how lovely she is. How undeserving.
We owe it to all children everywhere to speak up if we know it’s happening.
All these bastards who did this to her want, is for people to pretend it never happened. When we hear about child abuse, it’s common for people to say exactly what they’d like to see done to these evil people. Well, I say, speak up! That is their punishment. But more importantly, we must speak up so that little Brianna’s life, which was void of joy, protection and love, can amount to something positive. To take away the pain of the children who are still living, still being mistreated.
Let’s hug our children tighter after watching this. And let’s report child abuse. Speak for those who have no voice.
There’s quite a debate going on over at Mamamia with regards to an article written by Jacinta Tynan called, ‘Motherhood is easy‘. I read it with some strong emotions myself. I found myself nodding at the idea that a positive attitude towards child-rearing is beneficial to everyone involved. I found myself incensed at quotes like these:
“I can’t see what all the fuss is about. Ask me if I have another, but from where I stand motherhood is a cinch.
Yes it is tiring, and yes it is time consuming with showers and emails a sudden extravagance. But it is not hard. Hard is being tied to a soulless job for 80% of your waking hours. Hard is fighting cancer, or having a child who is. Or not being able to conceive a child when you ache for nothing more. Soothing a crying baby who won’t sleep for love nor money is a privilege not a hardship. Wiping spew off your jacket before bolting out the door to a meeting is funny, not a drama.
It is not fashionable to say so. For the past decade or two – coinciding with most of us trying to squeeze a career in with motherhood simultaneously – we have heard the cry of mothers’ martyrdom. It has become de rigueur to complain about how arduous the whole thing is, one upping on whose baby sleeps the least, chucks the most, and who has less hours in the day.”
“I do think we could learn a thing or two from our mothers and grandmothers. You never heard a peep out of them bucking in to double the workload and double the kids with no online groceries or disposable nappies. Sure they didn’t work (most of them) but they also appreciated that being a mum was one of the better things in life. My mum had six children, no help and, on occasions, a job. Yet she gave it her all with grace and joy. Our generation acts as if we deserve a medal.
It’s not like we didn’t know what we were signing up for. Most mothers want to be mothers, longing for the day when we will hold our own baby in our arms. How tragic to begrudge it because we can’t get a thing done around the house.”
Then I went on to watch the video on Mia’s blog post where she interviews Jacinta, and she readily admits it’s hard. Eh? So which one is it, then? Hard, or not hard?
I agree with her on many things. That motherhood is abundantly rewarding. To not stress over the small things. But the insinuation that if a mother is having a hard time of it that they are ‘making a fuss’ if they complain does not sit well with me. Or that a mother who makes a complaint feels deserving of a medal is ludicrous to me.
I too, once had a first child who was nine months old. I found her to be very easy to look after as well. Because she hadn’t yet hit the stages of toddlerhood and all the wonderful, developmentally normal yet frustrating bits that comes with it. But I was still able to see that I was lucky, and to have some understanding of why some other mothers were struggling. Other mothers had older kids than me, more kids than me. Some parents had less support than me. Who was I to tell them, ‘I don’t see what all the fuss is about?’ I certainly didn’t see them as any less loving of their children or begrudging of having them, simply because they were having a rough day/week/month/life!
When I was a new mother, I too made sweeping statements about parenting issues, though. I was dead against giving any of my children a dummy. Said I never would. And with my first, I didn’t. Because I was able to focus on one child, and ok, she never seemed to ‘need’ a dummy, but if she did, I imagine being an only child, I would’ve been better equipped in time and energy to provide her with that comfort in many other ways. My next two children had dummies, so of course, I was forced to eat my words! I have since learnt to be very careful about sweeping statements when it comes to parenthood, because they always come back to bite you on the bum.
I believe this: parenthood is hard sometimes, easy other times. When it’s hard, you push through it. The more positive we can be, the better. But it’s ok, necessary in some cases even, to talk about problems we are facing. If we don’t, that stress can manifest itself in unhealthy ways that aren’t good for us or our families.
I remember in April last year, when my fiance was admitted to hospital for poisoning. He spent a week there. I held my head up and ploughed on as all us mums do when times get tough. A voice in my head, that I didn’t let anyone else hear kept whispering at me,
‘what if he dies?’
‘What if your children lose their father?’
‘You’re running out of energy/strength! You’re going to fall in a heap.’
The first couple of days were hell. Mr Four, who was at the time two, was resentful of me for calling the ambulance and taking his father away. He resented me every time I told him that Daddy wasn’t coming home today, and he behaved accordingly, screaming at me in the supermarkets, as I pushed the double pram down the street and all day long at home. He acted out, destroying things, hurting his sisters and myself.
My fiance had taken our keycard which had all our money so that when this ‘blew over’ as we tried to optimistically believe, he could get a train or taxi home. As a result, we didn’t visit him for the first few days. Then we ran out of toilet paper. Then fruit. I had the other keycard at home, and was biding my time until my fiance’s pay from his job went into that one.
Now, as positive as I tried to remain, this is where it gets important to tell others if you are struggling. I confided to my best friend who lived just around the corner from me, that we’d run out of fruit and toilet paper. My beautiful friend, as soon as she could, was at my doorstep, presenting me with fresh fruit for the kids and loo paper. It got us through until that money showed up in my keycard, and I will be ever grateful for her help.
There was no shame in being honest about a difficulty. Over the next few days, we visited my fiance in hospital everyday. It was what kept him hopeful, during so much uncertainty. It was what kept the kids hopeful. Every night, we’d eat a family dinner together at the hospital kiosk, and be completely grateful. It was looking doubtful to us all that he’d be out of there any time soon.
I would come home, keep doing the mothering gig with three tired little ones, and collapse on the lounge. There were thousands of negative thoughts to fight off, and I like to think I did my best. But they were still there. I talked to my father on the phone, and I finally admitted that if my darling was going to be in hospital for a long time, I’d need to work out a routine, because the day trips to the hospital were physically taking it out of me, no matter how positive a spin I wanted to put on it.
From that discussion, my dad suggested that I take one day off a week from visiting the hospital. I cannot tell you the relief it felt for someone to give me permission to say, ‘this is too hard, is there an alternative?’ and actually have one offered, when I simply could not think anymore. I just felt that my head was going to pop open, and all ability to reason and problem solve was long gone. If I hadn’t talked about this negative, I truly believe I would’ve lost the plot or lashed out at someone. The good news? He was out within a week.
That’s my arguement for why I think we need to complain as parents, sometimes. I also am a strong believer in being positive. I remember a few months later, my fiance’s mother died. At exactly the same time that our family got the swine flu. My fiance was down the coast with his family, making arrangements. The night before his mother’s funeral, my eldest daughter vomitted everywhere then became unconscious to the point where I couldn’t rouse her. I put her in an ambulance, and hot-footed it to the hospital with the two littlies in the double pram, on a freezing winter’s night, on a train.
I had no idea if I would be able to make it to the funeral the next day, but of course, it was a high priority. I just knew I couldn’t leave my daughter in someone else’s care the next day if I had any doubt she’d be ok. We waited hours to see someone, as there were many other families afflicted with swine flu also. I kept telling myself, ‘just keep pushing on, entertain the kids as much as you can, ride it out, ride it out…’ Just when I thought we could not spend another minute at that hospital, they finally let us go home with the doctor’s blessing that she’d be ok to be looked after by someone else the following day.
My body felt as though it was on empty, and that horrible little negative voice, came back:
‘now you have to take that trip back home’
‘you can’t do it, you’re ready to collapse, yourself’
‘look at your daughter, she can’t make the trip home, even. You are so screwed!’
I tried to reassure my eldest daughter that we’d make this trip as quick and easy as we possibly could. She looked doubtful. I don’t think I was very convincing.
Then, a miracle happened. Mr then Two piped up in his adorably shrill voice, bright as a button, ‘we had a fun time at the hop-it-tal, didn’t we?’
Here I was, thinking how terrible it was that I’d dragged these two little ones out in the cold, and I had no idea what an adventure it was for them! My eldest daughter and I looked at each other, rolled our eyes, and laughed so hard at the irony, that it gave us the strength and energy to make that trip home more easily.
I guess what I’m saying is, in parenthood and life, there is a balance of good and bad. Positive and negative. To deny one and ignore the other is counter-productive. We can’t be all doom and gloom 24-7. We can’t be Pollyanna all day long either. What I’ve learnt from this? We all have our easy times, and our hard times.
When you’re up on your luck, spread it around. Go help out the other person who’s down on theirs. When everything’s turned to crap, tell someone! It doesn’t make you less of a parent, nor a person. Let others help you.
As for now, I will never, ever, say parenting is easy. It’s hard. But you know what? All the things in life I’ve valued the most have never come easily. There’s a huge price to pay, and I pay it willingly. I love my fiance, I love my kids, my own little family, with everything I’ve got. And if I want to bitch and moan because Missy Two has smeared her poo (again!?) then I bloody well will. Then I’ll laugh about it later.
What is motherhood to you? Easy, hard? Or somewhere in between?
A few months ago, I was walking past a toy store, when I spotted a toy vacuum cleaner packaged in plain brown cardboard, with no pictures of any particular gender playing with it. The actual toy itself was a gender neutral green and yellow.
I ran back to the car, where my fiance and my kids were sitting, and I gushed, ‘it’s finally happened in our lifetime!’
See, it’s always baffled me that although so many of us teach our children they can do any job, be anything, we still have discrimination in childrens’ advertising: pink vacuum cleaners with a picture of a girl on the box. Or a truck with a boy playing in the picture on the box. In blue, of course…
In the news, we’ve had our first ever female prime minister of Australia. Another one of those ‘in our lifetime it happened!’ moments. We’ve allowed dolls, trains and trucks to be played with between both genders. We’ve never placed gender biases on these toys. If they’re interested, they play. If not, they don’t.
Missy 9 started school a few years ago, and was baffled by all the comments in the playground about ‘girl toys’ and ‘boy’s toys’. We had lengthy discussions about how there’s no such thing, they’re just toys. That if you only played with half the toys out there, you’d be half a person. If you were allowed to play with toys supposedly representing both genders, then you’re a whole person, and can find the true you. That boys and girls are equally brainy.
So, this post today is for my Missy 9. She came running to me from the tv, furious.
Her: Mum! Playskool just showed the most sexist ad I’ve ever seen! They had this toy vacuum, and they only showed a girl playing with it, and they were saying, ‘vacuum the house just like mum! Don’t they know men can vacuum too? And then before that, on the same ad, they had a lawn mower toy, and they said, ‘mow the lawn just like dad! Don’t they know that’s sexist? Don’t they know there’s no such thing as girl toys and boy toys?!’
Me: Bugger. I’m glad you’re ticked darling, it means you got my message.
I always wanted children who would be outraged at moral wrongdoing and to speak out against it. To be raised with a sense of empowerment. Bravo, Missy 9, keep shouting the message loud and clear. Us oldies are listening.
Welcome to the June Teach/Learn Blogging Carnival, ‘Kids and Learning.’
The Teach/Learn Blogging Carnival hosted by Science@home is for anyone, because we are all teachers and learners all the time. This month our theme is “Art” which doesn’t just mean doing craft – it includes music, performance art and appreciation as well! Our bloggers have come up with many different thought-provoking takes on this theme. Please read through to the end to find links to the other participating blogs.
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Hey guys! I’ve done a little experiment with my kids and videotaped the results for you to watch. It’s all about structured art activities versus open-ended ones. Please bear with me, as, apart from my sponsored review videos I’ve done and little home videos, this is my first ‘put together’ video, just for you. In a few places, it’s wrongly cropped, in many places, my hand is unsteady, but I’m please to have finally built up the courage to give it a go. My kids and I also had a lot of fun doing this. I look forward to your reactions, so please share!
I hope you will go check out all the blog posts in this great carnival.
Visit Science@home to find out more about the Teach/Learn Blogging Carnival.
Please take the time to visit the other participants and check out their posts on “Art.”
CatWay at Adventures With Kids is getting the most out of a trip to the art gallery with ideas of how to prepare children and interest them while they are there.
Mamapoekie from Authentic Parenting argues for the importance of art and why we should be encouraging it as our children get older.
Miss Carly from Early Childhood Resources talks about how to create an environment that encourages young children to explore art.
Sharon at Hear Mum Roar has done a fantastic video post by getting her children to do an activity two different ways and letting you see the very different results.
Amanda at HomeAge has been admiring art with her daughter since she was a baby, taking her to several art exhibitions and reading books.
Kate from Picklebums talks about why art is important for little people and has a huge list of activities you can try.
The Planning Queen from Planning With Kids has tips for visiting the art gallery with kids, including links to different galleries and some ideas for activities afterwards.
Colin Wee at Super Parents is thinking about his son’s musicality as he learns to play the violin.
Deb from Science@home has her children investigating materials while making sculptures and bravely let the 2 year old use a hot glue gun.
Leechbabe from Stuff with Thing started out looking at patterns in nature, but the activity changed because she followed her children’s lead.
Monique at Your Cheeky Monkey has used an indoor activity, giving her children magazines to cut out and create collages.
Thanks for visiting, we hope you enjoy some of the posts in our carnival.
Being a non-religious family, we have always chosen for our children to opt out of NSW public schools’ religious education program (or scripture) once a week at school.
The current laws on this, state that non-scripture children are not to receive any instruction or teachings during this scripture period, as it would give non-scripture children an ‘unfair advantage’ over the children who do attend scripture. When a child begins school, if parents do not give the school notice of their intention to opt out, their child is automatically placed into scripture classes by default.
I’d like to start this piece back in 1979. This was my first year of school. To this point, I was five years old, and knew nothing at all about religion. My father is an atheist, my mother was raised catholic but was by now non religous herself. My brother and I were raised as atheists. The first time that year that scripture classes started, I was placed into a catholic scripture class, most likely because the school had some knowledge of my mother’s catholic upbringing.
I sat in that class, and was handed colourful colouring-in/workbooks with some bearded man in robes on the front cover. They made us do something with our hands, saying, ‘in the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit, amen’. To say I was clueless about what the heck any of it meant would be a glaring understatement.
Anyway. I took these books they gave me home. My father hit the roof. He was very angry at these brightly coloured books I’d been given. It became clear that I was never to go back to that class again. I had no idea what all the fuss was about. From then on, instead of going to scripture, I would sit in the principal’s office and read, sometimes by myself, and other times out loud to a teacher or the principal. I was already an outstanding reader before I started school, so I really didn’t get a great deal out of it. I was the only one in my school who did not attend scripture. That was fine with me.
Once I hit second grade, my parents must’ve decided that I was old enough to make up my own mind, because by then I started attending the church of England scripture classes instead. I kind of didn’t get the point of those classes, really…
So let’s move back to how it is today, raising our children in a religion-free family. My eldest daughter, in the past four years attended a public school in Sydney. We opted her out of the scripture program. She was placed into an overcrowded classroom with a relief teacher. Children were allowed to choose one box of toys from their class and bring it to the classroom, and they would play during non-scripture. By the time my daughter was in second grade, non scripture was so crowded, it needed to be moved to the school hall to accommodate all the students who were now opting out of scripture.
Now we’ve moved to a small country town, and, just like her mother, my daughter is the only child at school not attending scripture classes. This doesn’t bother her, and it doesn’t bother us, her parents. What does bother me, is that despite my request that she still be supervised and looked after, this, going by my daughter’s reports, does not happen. She is left in a room in the office with no supervision. She once asked them, ‘but what if something happens to me?’ To which she was told, ‘scream, we’ll hear you’. Not nearly good enough.
So, knowing that St James Ethics Centre in conjunction with the NSW Federation of P and C associations has requested to do a trial of an ethics based, non religious alternative class for students who don’t attend scripture, I am one excited mother. It irks the hell out of me that my daughter, and us parents have to rush around like mad things getting her ready for school on time, only for her to be not taught anything first thing in the morning, once a week. It peeves me even more that as far as I know, she is not being adequately supervised. (Yes, I do intend to discuss this with the school)
As parents, we teach our child ethics and morals in the home. But we support this program, as we feel that whilst our daughter is at school, she should be learning useful, worthwhile things. Not being plonked off to one side with a book thrown at her. (And like her mum, she was also already an outstanding reader long before she began school)
Oddly, the catholic church, and some other christians, oppose this trial taking place, and possibly becoming a part of schools.
So, I wanted to make people aware of this by writing about it, and providing those who are interested in supporting this, with some links on how they can show support.
And last, but not at all least, here is a list of the email address of all NSW state parliamentarians. The Australian Christian Lobby (ACL) Group has been doing this, and their numbers are huge. I urge anyone who feels strongly about this to please write to all of them and voice how you feel about it. I shall be doing the same.
I’d also love to hear other peoples’ opinions on this
Note: please do not attack the ideas/spiritual beliefs of anyone here, I believe if we are mature, we can all have a civilised discussion about this.
